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letter from Madison
Dear Mr. Mo:
>
> I saw you perform before the They Might Be Giants
> show in Madison,
> Wisconsin. I don’t expect you to remember, but I
> shook your hand and said
> that I’d never heard an accordion rock so hard
> before. I’ve just finished
> listening to your album I Hope You Win!, and I would
> like to make a request.
>
> Could you please rescue us from the current state of
> popular music? I
> understand that I’m charging you with a big quest,
> but myself and others
> like me are looking for heroes. Many have tried —
> oh, how they have tried.
> They Might Be Giants have been releasing
> consistently good music for
> years, and they’re still under the radar. Older
> acts like Blue Oyster Cult
> have tried to rescue us by releasing good new music,
> but I don’t think
> anybody’s listening. “Weird Al” Yankovic used to
> sort of have the accordion
> thing going on, but now he’s almost a tool of the
> mainstream media. The
> family of the late Frank Zappa keeps unearthing
> unreleased recordings, but
> they only appeal to Zappa fans.
>
> I think the problem comes from the fact that
> everybody’s heard of these
> bands, and they’re not willing to investigate even
> the possibility of
> something new and innovative from them. Meanwhile,
> the music industry keeps
> shoving Britney down our throats, and we keep buying
> her. Unfortunately, I
> cannot offer you the resources, industry
> connections, or knowledge to fix
> it, but the music industry really needs a jump
> start. As far as I can tell,
> Corn Mo is the kind of jump start I’m talking about.
>
> Think about it, okay? The people need you.
>
> Colin
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Me and the guy from Buffy are 24/7
July, 2004
Corn Mo is on tour with They Might Be Giants and Common Rotation!
Corn Mo is taken off the Steel Pier sound system because he rocks too hard.
David Hanson is back in the news with his robot head in Wired.
Speaking of science, a science page will be up, soon. For science. -
Singing with Bowie!
Bowie asked us to do a song with him!
I walked by the stage to the dressing room in Winnipeg and saw he and Tim in serious conversation. It was fuckin magic.
This is rock n roll. This is where the branches on the rock tree grow.
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Trying to Write
I couldn’t sleep last night. I got up and tried to write new songs. I gotta write one for Una’s motorcycle act. So I got out some midway carnival hits (Kid Rock) and let it try to inspire me.
Jesse was playing X Box. John and Logan were playing guitars.
We stopped earlier somewhere between Winnipeg and Edmonton to watch the Aurora Borealis. They weren’t as amazing as some pictures I’d seen but they were amazing nonetheless.
I got a little bit done on my writing. I ended up writing a story instead.
We got to Edmonton just short of 6 am.
Me and John and Jesse went to the hotel with Roger, the driver, to use the hotel bathroom. I gotta wash clothes real soon. I’ve been wearing the same jeans for 2 weeks.
I’m perpetually tired but it’s awesome. I’m finally in the groove of this.
Someone stuffed up the toilet again. The toilet on the bus is the center of attention. I never shit on that bus. Never. Ask the poo that was felled from the tanks.
“Sorry, don’t recognize him.”
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dammit
I’m starting to get the hang of this. I’ve been having ADD on the bus mostly. I had big plans to write stuff and be productive on this bus especially with travel days. All I’ve been doing is playing X Box, watching movies, trying to read, trying to write, and playing more X Box.
I sent a check to my bank and it hasn’t gotten there yet. 2 weeks. Thanks, USPS. I need that money. Thank you those who allow yourselves to be the pompous idiots that feel the customer works for you. Thanks for being assholes. Thanks for letting me go to Fed Ex from now on. I fuckin’ need that money.
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a general overview of canadians
I like these Canadians. Some remind me of John Candy-overweight and overfriendly. Some are real hot like the girl from 24. And some are real passive-aggressive. I have a lot of travelling to do before I can generalize even more. Some remind me of a friendly joe. No quaking just doing stuff.
I dig these Canadians.
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Quebec City
After the show in Quebec City me and Louis and Rick and Ricky met up with some folks from Montreal. I was feeling under the weather but knew I’d be on the bus to Winnipeg for a long time. It was fucking cold and snowy. We rode into town with a med student named Liz and met up with Roberto, Andre, Julia, and 2 other really nice ladies. Julia was what the Ticket would call a “little miracle”. Roberto was in The Stars and worked with Broken Social Scene. It’s nice to talk to new people over beer. Fuckin’ real nice guy. Andre was real nice, too. They were all real nice. I was hurtin from a cold I still can’t get over but I had a good time. I learned some French Canadian cusswords and learned to not trust every restaurant just because it’s French.
Louis is real good at finding people to hang out with.
Man, I’m really tired and I think it’s from laying around a bus all day.
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poutine
Me and Bryan Wakeland got some poutine at Harv’s and it was real good.
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On the Way to Winnipeg
I watched SWAT and Lost in Translation on the bus. We spent 2 days driving to Winnipeg. Some folks watched the Lord of the Rings Trilogy in the front of the bus. The way we got number 3 has been put on the down low.
Someone shit in the toilet and it stopped up the comode and no one fessed up. My name was tossed around but I went 3 weeks as a kid without taking a shit when my folks took me to Holland. I can hold out for a day and I can handle a Canadian truck stop.
SWAT sucked but I still enjoyed it. Lost in Translation was better than I thought it would be. I like Bill Murray. He’s America’s bad ass. I wish Steve Martin would do more cool shit. Same with Gene Wilder.
We stopped along the lake to look see and I pissed in the woods and threw a rock on the frozen lake. Rick stood on the ice for a picture and didn’t have to reenact the Omen.
Roger, the bus driver, drained the shitter and found poop on his pick stick. I swear I didn’t shit on the bus. We should have a scientist with us.
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Bus Assignments
BUS ASSIGNMENTS:
RICH BANAS SPORTSTAR PREVOST LINE-UP
Joe Butcher
Tim DeLaughter
Stella DeLaughter
Oscar DeLaughter
Julius DeLaughter
Julie Doyle
Bubba Doyle
Audrey Easley
Toby Halbrooks
Evan Hisey
Jennie Kelley
Seth Loeser
James Reimer
Louis Schwadron
Michael Turner
Jamey Welch
Dave Willingham
ROGER STONE EAGLE LINE-UP
Andy Bracht
Jon Cunningham (Corn Mo)
Ryan Fitzgerald
Daniel Hart
Jessie Hester
Jennifer Jobe
Logan Keese
John LaMonica
Michael Musick
Rick Nelson
Chris Penn
Mark Pirro
Ricky Rasura
Kelly Repka
Jennefa Soldatic
Bryan Wakeland
Curt Wells
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Road Rules
RULES OF THE ROAD:
“I saw the show when we were out in LA filming Scrubs and got a feel for the environment surrounding him and his camp. I want EVERYONE to remember it is HIS show. We get soundchecks based upon when he is done. Some days we may not get any. Once we get in the groove we may just do line checks since we only get an hour to an hour and a half tops for the most part. Also remember they have been on the road for 13 or 18 month and they are in the ZONE. We don’t want to come in and disrupt their bubble they have created. Use your common sense. There will be NO watching his show from the side of the stage. We will watch from out in the crowd. There is too many of us. Do not take what is not yours. We get stuff in our dressing room. If it is not there DO NOT think of taking or swiping it. They have aftershow parties that are NOT for us. They are for David Bowie and his guests. On the subject of catering. We only get dinners. NO LUNCH OR BREAKFASTS. Again there is too many of us. Please don’t harass David Bowie if you see him walking in the hall. BE AS NORMAL AS YOU CAN. I will try to set up a meet and greet where he visits with us and gets his picture with us. PLEASE DON’T LURK or be a nuisance. We want to be professional so we can get opportunities like this again. If you think something is wrong or questionable don’t do it. Don’t sneak friends backstage or in the gig. It looks bad upon all of us if you get caught.
This will be a fun and memorable tour. I can hardly believe it if here upon us.
On the subjects of robes, if your robe is left in the dressing room and I have it you can purchase it back from me for $30 in order to do the next show. The robes being left and kept unkempt is getting WAY out of hand.
Also please bring your PASSPORT for Jay Leno and Canadian Immigration. It is the best thing for both.
Don’t mean to be on a soapbox but I need you guys on your BEST BEHAVIOR”
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Spree Show in NY
We played at the Angel Orensanz Center in the Lower East Side. That place is beautiful. It looks like an old abandoned church. We ruled that night. Jim came and sang on the encore with us. Lots of fedoras work there.
After we went to Parkside Lounge where I went to hang out with Ty, Magic Brian and Kittenpants. It was my “birthday” again. Pete, the bartender, gave me free shots all night. The Spree showed up later. I gushed all over Tim and Julie with my gratitudes. I toasted to everyone that was in shot distance. It was a beautiful night. I am very fortunate.
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Fuse Lady is pretty
We did Fuse the other day. That host is hot. Like a 10 hot. I played accordion with them that day. It was fun. It was pretty quick overall. I saw Dan from Knarrefest (a backyard bbq I played in Teaneck, NJ with Jim Shearer who came to the show later that night). I also saw two friends from the band, Mackin. I hadn’t seen either one of them in a long, long time.
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Wasting on Halo
We got 2 buses. More space and an Xbox. Me and Lamonica and Ryan and Mark and Logan play Halo a lot. Logan’s no fun because he’s so good. Me and Ryan fought together today instead of against each other. I’m good at wasting time and I’m trying to be bad at it.
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Nashville
I played Nashville last night at a bar called Springwater. There was a Santa Claus at the bar with me named Vern. He’s a nice fellow. We visited.
Then, I played pool with Flash, this 50-year old guy who’s Christian name was Douglas. He looked like Michael Jeter. He made me go to pool school cause my bridge was unconfident. I knocked a few in and he knocked ’em all in. I bought him a Bud and he got cut off not soon after. He taught me how to play pool drunk by using the lights.
The sound went in and out during the set so I unplugged and finished out the show in style. I’m working on my Liberace flourish.
I shouldn’ta ate spaghetti before the show. It made me sleepy.
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Goin’ to the store in Toronto
I walked up and down Bloor street and got a lot of stares. I think I look funny or something.
Rocket Johnny picked me up and I hung oot with him and Paul and Tom Comet and Beks. We went to check oot Hollynorth, the film prop store. Rocket was in the Bindlestiff’s with me and left to do his own thing: www.daredeviloperacompany.com. Paul does his music. Tom Comet has a record juggling chainsaws. Beks swallows fire and other things.
I learned some cool shit:
You can by fake blood by the gallon.
You can adjust fake, falling snow by the thickness and the speed.
You can get a fogger that fits in the palm of your hand.
You can buy non-toxic slime for $80 dollars.
I got a pen for free.
Tom Comet built a board that has a nkob that when you move it side to side, 25 different explosions occur at the speed of your hand. It’s good for machine gun pretending.
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Denton
Playing Denton was magic. That’s my town I lived in the longest in my life. That’s the town I tried to leave but couldn’t. That’s the town I started Corn Mo in.
It was perfect to play with Paul Slavens and Hand of Onan. Paul Slavens is the new Victor Borge. NO lie. He and Jeffrey Barnes of Brave Combo played together and he ruled that stage.
Hand of Onan is Wally from Cornhole and Hotlink Records and Ted from Brutal Juice and The Banes and a really good drummer.
All my rowdy friends came out and some got shitfaced and some soberly gave testament to tears that were shed during my show. Man, I missed Denton at that bar. It was a golden night. After, I hung out with the Angel of 2001 and Amber of 2003 and Cody and Melissa and Jason Asphalt. I drank a lot of cheap wine and listed to Tripping Daisy and watched Amber of 2003 push Jason into a table and break the shit out of it-for telling her joke. She’s hot and strong.
Fuckin’ Bubba slept. Long live the 2bc.
The next day, my ride for the tour, Luke, goes: “Denton’s cool.”
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Austin City Limits
I got so fucking stressed getting to the Austin City Limits show. We couldn’t find the parking lot and had 30 minutes to get to the stage. I jumped out of the van and walked. A guy in a cart saw me and goes,
“I should give you a ride . . . but I won’t.”
Then, I remembered the festival told me I was supposed to get a cart ride.
“Hey, man, can you give me a ride to the stage? I go on in twenty minutes.”
“We can’t do that. We got a lot of work to do. Your stage is only 100 feet away.”
It was real close. I saw a few people waiting by the stage which was the crowd I was expecting. After I started playing it got bigger. Some guys had signs that requested songs, Corby and Dave Lane from The Ticket showed up, a girl from high school came, and a bunch of other folks showed up.
It’s hard playing festivals because there is no end to where you throw your presence. It just goes on. How far do I play to? Shit, I don’t know.
The coolest part was the 20 minute line to say “Hello” or sign people’s programs. That was real nice.
I hung out with my high school friend, Audra, and her husband, Blake. It was real nice.
I didn’t get to hang out with my old Bible-study leader, Gary. He’s a good friend. I fell asleep right in front of him while he tried to teach me the good book, once. He’s good people.
It feels real good to get your friends free beer and I did. Drinking free is the best gift to give an entertainer.
We stayed at Tracy Miller’s house that night. She played in Lithium Xmas in Dallas and married a Slovak named, Stano. They went to the bar and I was exhausted and ended up hanging out with Stano in his studio.
His paintings are real good. A lot of commie themes and drinkin’ and naked ladies. There’s more to them but I’ll write that essay later. He was really into Laibach and tried to get a passport to their one-world state. Instead he got a green card to work in Austin. Laibach is fucking awesome. Stano’s livin’ the life.
I’m starting to draw again. I’ll show you.
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Dallas
Dallas was bad ass. Whenever I play Dallas now I get teary-eyed. Your friends who rooted for you in Dallas show up real proud. I curse a lot during the show because I’m a little nervous and I’m not good at not cursing, yet. Some dads gave their kids earmuffs when I started, “You guys are gonna make me fuckin’ cry.” And then my dirty-word, dirty-word spewed even more. After shows like that I feel like I’ve run 5 miles. It feels real good. And seeing the Spree in Dallas was the same feeling. Everyone is proud of them, too. After seeing Tripping Daisy all those years and then seeing this new creation that’s blowing up made all of them proud.
Oh, I got this email from my friend, Halee that sums this entry up:
Jon…don’t know how often you actually get to check e-mail but I had to write and suck up to you for a second. Friday night at the Granada? You were G.R.E.A.T. Obviously I have been a Corn Mo fan a long time, and I thought you were way great before, but holy crap, I don’t know what you’ve done or if you sold your soul to the devil or what…but your show was the slickest and the most well-oiled machined-runnin’ performance I’ve seen you do ever.
And I got goosebumps and laughbumps and I’m real proud of you, mister.
mister mister,
halee
That’s why I play shows.
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Asheville, NC
I’m in Asheville right now. Since Denton the Polyphonic tour has been on hold until the 30th in Toronto. There was a death in the family. God bless them.
We pulled in last night at a Walmart and used their facilities and slept in the van in their parking lot. We were in Chattanooga where I played an instore at Chad’s.
There were five people in that store and I rocked as best I could. This is the kind of tour I love-the kind that turns into adventure. We had spent the first day after the Denton show in New Orleans where we were going to work on getting last minute shows but ended up drinking at Lafitte’s. Which was fine because surrender is good sometimes. Then we did a lot of “touristy” stuff- like drinking more and going into the places that tourists go in and out of.
The second day of New Orleans was a little depressing cause alcohol is a depressant and I wanted to get back on the road.
I got to hang out with my friend Lorraine, though. She let us stay at her place. She’s real good folk. She makes her living at stiltwalking and makes really cool things. She’s in the Bindlestiff Family Cirkus as Dr. Sloat. Her sister is Philomena. She’s got Belgian ancestry just like Van Damme.