MASS MoCA Alt Cabaret Show with Corn Mo and The Wau Wau Sisters
Massachussets Museum of Contemporary Art
87 Marshall St.
North Adams, MA
tickets
massmoca.org
Dave was humpin’ it. Really humpin’ it. He had tires that were in one room and
a need for tires in the other room. So he moved the tires as fast as he could.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
He was humpin’ it.
Taking a new tire off the rack, spinnin’ round, letting go, and letting it thump into the new tire room.
“Thirty-six, done,” said Dave as he wiped his sweaty eye sockets.
His boss came in and said, “I said I needed two tires by 6:30. Put these back.”
Dave was humpin’ it. Putting thirty-four tires back in their places.
“Thirty-four, done,” said Dave as he wiped his sweaty eye sockets, again.
Dave was humpin’ it in his mind. He never worked in tires his whole life. But
he knew how to work his brain. And he was a self-starter. When you get
trapped in a dungeon there is little work to be done in you...
Corn Mo
w/ They Might Be Giants!
Friday, April 8
8pm
Norton Center for the Arts
Centre College
600 West Walnut St.
Danville, KY
Tickets: 1-877-HITSHOW
directions
2 cans are waiting on a shelf.
“Have you been dusted?”
(Cans that collect dust must be dusted or no one will buy them.)
“I think so.”
“How come we’ve been here for so long?”
“No one is eating canned field peas with bacon.”
Cans can’t see. They talk by thought. They don’t have souls
and no form of brain although they have minds.
When you open a can, though, it dies and the can’s
mind floats inside the empty reservoir. Forever.
c. 2004
Read MoreChris Rozzi’s Outre Island
8pm
Parkside Lounge
See the host of character’s that live on Outre’ Island as done by the funny Chris Rozzi.
You can see a clip of his character Delmonte on The Corn Mo Show.
Planet Banana
at The Ars Nova Theater
now through June 4!
I did this show with these guys over in the Old World. Go see it in New York City. It’s amazing. New jokes, new songs and Jon Spurney plays the good-bad-ugly theme on keyboard and guitar at the same time!
Clarke juggles to “Another One Bites the Dust”!
Stanton had a wonderful leg. It was a live leg but with custom prosthetics.
He could open a door on his thigh. It was plastic in thigh flesh. Inside the
door he had kept a key and some gum. When he ran it felt like a bulging pocket.
There was a cap over his ankle bones that contained both a watch and compass.
This made the leg feel faster as the Weight of the water in the compass centrifuged
as he ran. On the balls of his feet he had magnets that automatically repelled
anything that was attractable. This allowed him to hover like a witch or a ghost or a
showboat vampire.
One time Stanton was walking from the shopping center to his car when someone
yelled his name from the nearby woods. He walked closer to the voice only to
find nothing. So, he walked into the woods.
“Stanton,...
Johnson was out with his new rifle that he bought with
saved lunch money. He put his rifle in a guitar case and walked
out into the woods hoping to find something dangerous that
he could shoot in good conscience. He passed by a sick bird
and cradled it in his cupped hand and worried about it’s
mortality with shaky eyes.
He stopped worrying and looked up and thought about who
should be destroyed for harming this bird.
He found a mountain lion with a top hat and knew this
cat had done wrong because of his look.
“Hey there, cat. What’s your deal? You like hurting
little birds?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“This!” and he showed the evidence that demanded some
answers.
“Oh, that,” said the cat. “I was helping it figure out
a word problem.”
“That don’t make no sense at all...
More Fan Fiction
I pushed that kid in a puddle. I pushed him and watched his cocky face
became fear as he fell backwards against the backdrop of the recreational complex.
His hands wiped at nothing and he smashed into that dirty, dirty puddle.
What an asshole.
It felt good to see his asshole ass all muddy and shit.
Then, he started crying and that’s when the hate in me turned up. I started
to step on that fucker when someone pulled the back of my shirt.
It was Aquaman and he had this to say, “Even if you can defeat a bully,
don’t defeat him anymore past the line of defeat.”
I helped the bully up and gave him some of my strawberry Go-gurt.
c. 2004
Read MoreThere was this fellow who made sure his surfers surfed every day.
“The waves are good today. Surf!”
Some didn’t want to surf. They moped around on the tasty waves.
“What’s wrong, Higgings? Don’t feel like surfing today?”
“Yes. Of course I do.”
“Because I know a lot of surfers waiting with boards who would love to take your place.”
And this was how it went.
Surfing 12 hours a day, sometimes 2 hours then break, then 4 hours, then break.
One day, a surfer came over to the lifeguard stand and said,
“I don’t think I want to surf anymore.”
And he walked away from the ocean onto the grass and onto the parking lot.
He got into his VW van and drove around the island and got a fishing job. He
worked his way up to captain. Sometimes he waves at his old boss from his dingy
from time to time with anger...
A wren took a bath in a puddle next to a curb. It was a perfect puddle. The wren, Susan, came back to this puddle often. One day, a Danish fellow offered a design that did away with curbs on streets which, in theory, would allow safer traffic.
Finding her puddle gone due to reconstruction, Susan was very upset. She flopped in a phantom puddle, not unlike the birds who take dirt baths. She disillusioned herself into being clean and flew home to her nest and then to a wire perch where another bird named Joseph noticed her smell and dirty crest and took pity on her. This caused an incline in the evolution of wrens.
Epilogue: They had sex in the rain. And she made an egg that looked like this.
This bear named Charles ate a carp and swallowed it whole like a snake will do a mouse. The bear became sheepish, seeing a hunter man and tried to explain his folly by growling lowly and tilting his head side to side as if to say,
“Its so bony and not as good as a salmon.”
The man didn’t understand and shot the bear in the shoulder.
The bear growled, “Ouch” and was shot again.
“Ouch”, he growled again.
It turns out that the hunter’s name was also Charles.
The only word a bear can say out loud besides “No” is the word “Oh.” Charles the hunter couldn’t tell the difference because he didn’t give the bear any credibility to a vocabulary.
This misunderstanding quickly became overshadowed because a vampire in a bear costume overtook Charles the hunter, sucked him dry, and thre...
Read MoreThursday, March 17
8:00pm
Reprising my old role as circus musician for one night.
Accompanying Kinko the clown, Mr. Pennygaff and his sword swallower, Philomena, the Fabulous Miss Una, Rob Lok and more!
at
Theater for the New City
155 First Avenue
(between 9th and 10th Streets)
New York, NY 10003
Telephone: (212) 254-1109
Fax: (212) 979-6570
bindlestiff.org
ONE SHOW LEFT!
EXTENDED THROUGH APRIL 9!
THE CIRCUS ROCK SHOW IS THIS SATURDAY
7 O’ CLOCK SHOW
COME EARLY FOR PRE- SHOW
BOWERY POETRY CLUB
308 BOWERY @ Houston and Bleeker
www.circusbythesea.com for tix online
$20
w/ aerial acts, contortion, and rock n’ roll
pre show starts at 6:45 with Magic Brian or Tyler Fyre or another brilliant performer!
Read MoreThursday, April 21 and Friday, April 22
LONDON
The Troubadour
263-7 Old Brompton Road
w/ Common Rotation
all ages
Saturday, April 23 2005
GLASGOW
O’Neills
451- 453 Sauchiehall Street
(0141) 3534371
7:00pm
18+
w/ Common Rotation
Sunday, April 24
LIVERPOOL
The Cavern Club
10 Matthew St.
7:30 pm
w/ Common Rotation
purchase tickets now
A piece of rock fell from a ledge that was perched above a bird’s nest. The nest belonged to an eagle who was barren and took it upon herself to sit on this rock as if it were her egg. Whenever she left the nest she kept a watchful eye for predators. One predator was a weasel who used his hind feet to hold onto a limb while reaching for the rock. He grabbed it quickly and as he pulled himself up he sniffed his prize and realized it had no life and quickly dropped it. The eagle returned to the nest to find the egg had moved on its own and a dash of hope inflated inside the heart of the eagle.
Read MoreTwo birds were chirping the hungry chirp but didn’t want to swoop down on prey and lose the choice position on the wire they were currently holding.
“Hey,” said one bird. “If you go get us a couple of worms, I’ll hold your place for you.”
“Okay,” chirped the other bird.
So, he swooped down and listened to ground for movement, dove into the dirt and plucked out a small yet meaty worm. He did this a second time and soon looked as if he were holding an extra long worm instead of two worms. He had a passing thought of becoming a magician or an illusionist even and then began his flight back to what was the best wire perch. Unfortunately, there were many birds sitting on the wire and he couldn’t find his friend because all birds look alike.
Remember your buddy.
A johnny was walking home after a night at the bar and saw two horses kissing. One of the horses stopped and noticed the fellow staring at him and his date.
The johnny said, “Hey don’t mind me. I’m just enjoying nature.”
And the horse replied, “Enjoy it at home, buddy.”
And then the johnny said, “Well if you’ll excuse me, I’ll leave you two to horse around then. Excuse me.”
And the horse was offended and reported it to his immediate ranchhand who in turn documented the incident and filed it in a drawer called “Horse Talk Proof”.
Joseph was a man at the bank who was manning his checkbook with notes scribed in the corner about the weather conditions at each transaction.
date: 9/25/28 check #128 to: Woolworth’s for: new socks for all winter debit: $2.00 72 degrees/cloudy
When the bank teller noticed this he said, “This is interesting.” And then looked some more and said, “But, you didn’t scribe the weather conditions on 7/5/28.”
And the man replied, “You’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who cares.”