Switzerland-The Swiss

My two French-Swiss friends are very good people. One plays stand up bass and the other plays drums. It’s hard to talk to them sometimes because of the language barrier but it’s my own fault for not speaking French.

I learned some Swiss insults:

Your mother is your father.

Please tell your mother to stop changing lipsticks. My cock is a rainbow.

Even their insults are beautiful.

It’s okay to get high in Switzerland. The chocolate, cheese, watches still get made on time; the money in the Swiss bank accounts aren’t going anywhere; and taking a bottle of wine to the lake is so yesterday and Weimar. You can buy it at the store.

You can also get a work permit as an artist and be a prostitute. For real!

You can walk around with an open container of beer, too.

But you can’t take a shower...

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Edinburgh – cheese n burger

Friday

I had a “cheese n burger” for lunch today. It’s a cheeseburger but it’s dipped in batter and deep fried and put on a bun with brown sauce.

I lost my wallet.

I found it. It was under my bed.

I saw girls in shiny jumpsuits like in “Cannonball Run” giving away soda.

I saw a show today called “The Cat Must Die”. I wanted to like it because it was a Comedy/Musical. It had the ingredients for a good show:

-a cat that drives a remote control car. The cat wasn’t real and not a puppet either.

-God has a Scottish/Yiddish accent.

-Stephen Hawking sings “I Got You Babe”

-A pirate named Edgar Allen Poe

-Underwater scientist who builds “clockwork Nazis” 50 ft tall out of glass. She is Hawking’s nemesis

-The ultimate force of evil is a moustache.

But I didn’t like it.

There are fanny p...

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Edinburgh – Jerry Springer-The Opera

Thursday

I saw “Jerry Springer: The Opera”. It was good. It wasn’t just a gimmick winky. And if it was it was very well done.

My favorite was the man/baby who sang “I just want to shit my pants”.

I also liked the Jerry cam followed by the singing, dancing Ku Klux Klan. The singing was fucking good. The second half was a bit too much ridiculous with Jerry shot and sent to hell. I’d go see it again.

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Wednesday, Yeovil

We’re still stuck at this rest stop. Two girls in horse-riding pants put diesel in their car on accident.

“Did you start it?”

“No.”

“Don’t. We’ll drain it in the garage.”

I like girls in horse-riding pants. I like when girls dress like baseball players, too.

I lived next door to a girl in high school who rode horses. She’d come out of the house in those tight pants and I’d stare at her from my window. She was hot. She was good friends with the girl I took to the homecoming dance. After we broke up, she would come over to her house and lay out in the backyard. I’d mow the lawn and pretend I wasn’t looking but it was hard. She loved metal and wore those flip over boots.

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