Glasgow Dancing

I got a donner kebab the other day in Glasgow. It was the best donner kebab I’d ever had. Eric had 3 of them. The taxi waited for him to go back for another one. It topped off a weird night.
After the show we took our things to the tour bus and went out and about. I was very happy to be hanging out with Scots. Two excellent fellows, John and Steve, took me to the Cathouse.
“You want to go to a metal club?”
I pictured sitting at the bar listening to Guns and Roses and it sounded lovely.
“Yes. Let’s do it.”
Two of the lassies said, “You don’t want to go there” which made me want to go even more. I haven’t heard Ugly Kid Joe in a long time and I felt like it was coming.
The alleys in Glasgow smell like pee because of people like me. I have a weak bladder and ran into the alleys twice on the way there. The steps on street corners smell like pee because of the indiscreet and you won’t find my peepee there.
Then, I got a proper kebab because I don’t eat before shows.
And then came the Cathouse. Oh dear, its not what I expected. I know you should “when in Rome” with strangers but I just couldn’t get my poker face up. It was a dance club and I hate dance clubs. I can’t stand them. You can’t hang out. It’s too hard to talk to anyone.
I used to go into the mosh pit with my friends when I was younger at live metal shows, swinging my arm and skipping gorilla-like. But this was full-on dancing. I was mad at myself for being so uncomfortable but I couldn’t help it.
This one guy grabbed my arm and said, “Come on Corn Mo, dance with me.”
“No, I don’t dance.”
“C’mon”
He pulled me out on the dance floor and I thought, “Ok I’ll do this” but I couldn’t. I faked my beer being empty and pointed to the bar and eluded his grasp. I should feel bad but I don’t.
I walked from System of a Down on 3 to Guns and Roses on 2 and I should have felt better but I didn’t. I would have loved to have seen something live. I would have loved to have seen the worst metal band attempted by 19 year olds ever but I didn’t know where to go to see that.
I love Glasgow so I’m going to take dance lessons.