January 2006

Dummy wins a comb over

Tommy had two gigs yesterday. One was at a daycare and the other was at an assisted living complex. The first one went fine. The toddlers usually scream with joy or fright when the dummy, Mark, begins talking. He did his usual knock-knocks because kids love the knock-knocks and then did a skit with the dummy on one knee and a five-month-old on the other. The four-year-olds love this because they aren’t babies any longer.

"Knock knock" (The infant starts the joke)

"Who’s there?" (dummy is good at looking at the kids)

"Lucifer." (Daycare teacher looks around uncomfortably)

"Lucifer who?"

"Lucifered different, we get a neeewww video to watch after cookies."

"Hurrah for the video and hurrah for the cookies!"

This is how he sold his video.

He took his fifty dollars plus his video money an...

The Winking Wilzner

Posted in Stories

"Fridays are my diving boards and Sundays are my towels."

"That’s wonderful. Where are the teabags?"

"On the subject of my weekend, I will be rushing headlong into a journey of painting my bedroom to a color that matches the sepia-colored photos that I bought in college."

"I guess sepia was in then."

"Huh?"

"Where are the teabags?"

"Under the sink, next to the bag of brillos."

"They’re not there."

"Well, then. I have a sepia print of my favorite actor, Dilly Shan-"

Jeffrey went on a journey himself. He lied down on the carpet next to the mini fridge and took a much needed nap. He wasn’t tired. He just needed to escape the depression created by his officemates who appeared slightly higher than himself and this was his only weapon...

Driving in Ireland

Posted in Blog/Tour Diary, Corn Mo's Boring Life

Driving in Ireland is really fun, especially in the south. There aren’t many long stretches. It’s a lot of curves on tiny roads. Some two lane roads are the size of our one lane roads and some one lane roads are the size of driveways. Sometimes I had to just pull over and let the other car go by. Shift on the left. Drive on the left. Good fun.
And there’s a lot of sheep who have the right of way. Sheep everywhere. And stray dogs. Sweet dogs with sad eyes. An owned dog ran beside my car as I was up to 30 mph. I’m told dogs that still have their balls can do that. I have a friend who bought his dog neuticles, silicone balls for your neutered dog. I don’t know how fast he ran.

Belfast

Posted in Blog/Tour Diary, Corn Mo's Boring Life

There’s a good scene going on in Belfast. At least to me there is. Lots of folks came to the show. I played at the Menagerie, a good bar with good people and good beers.

The band, Son of Shrimp, invited me to play with them. They are awesome with the prog rock. Really nice fellows. The other fellow, John Cairns, was good, also.

Jimmy and his new wife, Georgie, came and brought some of my new fast friends from Jimmy’s wedding. This one guy, Brendan, looks like Robin Leach and has the mannerism of the great Steve Porter.

The way Brendan looks. On the right.