I saw it lying next to a Mars bar that was cut in half. I didn’t suppose anything about the half but the dandelion it shared the ground with I did wonder about. I picked it up and it was limp like some rich dude’s handshake. I put it in my pocket and went back to the bar. I had left the bar for some reason and forgot why.
I saw this pretty girl drinking with her back to most and I knew she was pretty because I was optimistic and this guy put his hands over her eyes and said, "Guess who?" I hate that game and she did too because she said, "Your hands stink like cigarettes," and he said he didn’t smoke.
I saw him earlier with a coffee mug full of cigarettes and he lit each one and then put his hands around all of them and tried to smoke it like a hamburger but gave up too easy.
he smoked like this gargoyle eats a hamburger.
I pretended to bump into him on accident and slipped the dandelion in his coat pocket.
I went to play Golden Tee but the ball had carmex all over it and then I remembered I wanted pizza so I left and got a slice and then came back and the guy had the puppet (I forgot to say that earlier. It wasn’t a real flower but a puppet one) on the floor.
I said, "Hey you dropped something."
And he said, "What’s the seven?"
"No, I said you dropped something."
"What’s the seven like?"
"Huh?"
"What’s the prophets say about the seven like?"
I pointed to the floor and said, "YOU DROPPED A DANDELION PUPPET ON THE FLOOR. IT WAS IN YOUR POCKET."
"The prophets are seven up, bro!" And he shook my hand all limp like.
Monday, November 28
NYC
UCB Theater
307 W 26th St
Bro’in Out with Leo & Tony
I’m doing a couple of songs at this extravaganza that includes
Leo Allen, Tony Camin, Todd Barry, Laura Krafft and Emily Flake.
9:30
$5
Tuesday, November 29 SHOW CANCELLED
Hempstead, NY
Hofstra University
w/ Ben Folds
JC Adams Playhouse
doors 8:30, show 9:00
tickets: 516.463.6644
$15-$27
I saw Willie Nelson last night. He’s so good. He played "Angel Flying too Close to the Ground." What a beautiful song.
I sat in with Brave Combo the night before. They’re one of the best bands ever. Influenced John and John, me, and are one of Denton’s Finest. So, is this guy.
The Golden Warrior
Call this number! 510.351.7654!
Thursday, November 3
San Francisco
w/ They Might Be Giants!
Bimbo’s 365 Club
1025 Columbus Avenue (at Chestnut Street)
Friday, November 11 8 pm
Los Angeles
Hotel Cafe
1623 1/2 N. Cahuenga Blvd
$5
Wednesday, November 16 7:30 pm
NYC
Satalla
37 W 26TH St. b/n Broadway and 6th
Performing a song with Brave Combo
Saturday, November 19 7:30 pm
NYC
Corn Mo and Magic Brian
Parkside Lounge
317 Houston at Attorney
w/ special guests,
Byron and Todd Deatherage
$5
I’m going to do new stuff. If it sucks then you’re out $5.
Yesterday, I put it out there. I threw it to him gently.
"Just go slow."
He swang his head back and forth like saying "no" and then dove his head to the paper. It wasn’t dinnertime. It was reading time and he tried so hard. Dr. Frankenstein probably cried a little trying to get his monster to talk and I was tearing up watching my dog struggle to read.
He lifted his head like he was going to throw up. Baring his fangs, he hacked up, "I can’t".
There was this guy named Diamond who wore a pair of pants that had spurs pointing inward at the side belt loops. When it was time to hustle he’d pat his hips and run from the pain.
Spurs
When he raced the legend, Carl Johnson, for pinks (in running that’s shoes) he prodded himself and beat the olympic runner in street racing, on a course that included a fake market made of balsa wood and sugar. When the runner bumps into a market stand, the sugar fruit creates a kind of oil slick for the opponent and the cardboard vendors’ "upset trigger" is released, making their cardboard arms fly up and down in a shaking motion via pendulum action.
A passerby gave Diamond a new name, Leggs Diamond, and was promptly sued. But a sometime girlfriend decided he should be called Diamond Showdowns in reference to his pre-run side patting of the spurs.
Diamond never made it to the pros because he "didn’t want that kind of glory." These times, he races unbroken ponies on Assateague Island and no one ever sees it happen because there are no fake markets to knock down in the moonlight.
Pony promotional picture
He also fullback fishes. That’s catching a fish midair on the surf in the fashion of a touchdown. Sometimes you can catch him cooking his catch on an open fire while the ponies eat carrots and saltlicks with forks attached to their bridles.
Rudolf Schenker displaying funny use of bridle forks. Ponies laugh.
In any event, you have to be cool to be around Showdowns Diamond. Otherwise, you have to leave.
Jory and I went down to the West End to look for a piano rental. I found a fellow with a guitar at an internet shop and asked him and he pointed me to Denmark St. What a time we had looking for that mysterious street. What a quest! Everyone who gave us directions must have had their mental maps on a gyroscope.
L = directions, I = communication, i = map made of marbles
And one lady wouldn’t respond when I asked her. And I mean she wouldn’t acknowledge me. Perhaps, I had ended my sentence in a preposition and she wouldn’t answer until the sentence was ended properly. Or its the other thing.
We finally found Denmark St. and no one rents pianos on that strip of music stores. But I did take someone’s advice and found a place.
After that, Jory and I went to meet my friend, Will, at the Tower of London. We didn’t go in (15 quid) but we walked the Tower Bridge and got a pint each (I got a Magner’s) and wandered over to the Tate
Modern via the Millenium Bridge. It’s also called the Wobbly Bridge. Because it use to be wobbly. However, according to Wikipedia:
". . . the problem was fixed by the retrofitting of 37 fluid-viscous dampers (energy dissipating) to control horizontal movement and 52 tuned mass dampers (inertial) to control vertical movement."
So, now it’s better.
the Wobbly Bridge, with St. Paul’s in the background where an old lady feeds the birds, tuppence a bag
Model of Obliscence (or model of forgetting) by Geoffrey Sonnabend displayed at The Museum of Jurassic Technology in Culver City, CA
We went to Chinatown and got some terrible dinner. Warm, bad- idea dinner. It was buffet and they kept pouring new dinner into old dinner. I feel sick typing about it.
Early night, getting ready for show tomorrow.
Trey loved the wet field. He walked with his pant legs rolled up. The bugs would jump from drinking dew, parting the way for Trey. One time, Trey’s leg slipped into a hole, making him thrust forward, losing control of his balance, breaking his leg. He knew it was broken because he heard the snap.
What he didn’t know was that his brother Billy was behind him the whole time.
“Boo!”
“Huh? Oh, thank goodness, Billy. I don’t know why you’re here but I’m so glad for this moment. Please go run for help. I can’t walk.”
“Sure, thing, Trey. Hey, can you write this paper about The Pony Express for me since you’re all invalid for the moment?”
“Anything, brother. Now run. Run like tomorrow is too late from yesterday!”
“Wha? Okay.”
And Trey sat and thought about some things he needed to change about his life. And then he picked up a pencil from Billy’s Trapper and began writing a brilliant essay about the Pony Express.
Trey started feeling hungry and reached inside Billy’s backpack for a candy bar or an apple. Nothing. He turned around more, not noticing that there was no pain to notice and saw eight broken stalks of celery.
His first thought was “Hey celery!”
His second thought was “I wish I had some peanut butter or cream cheese!”
His third thought was “DAMN YOU BILLY!” for his leg was not broken. Only the celery. And he was mad, yet grateful, and yet more mad than grateful.
And he walked home eating the broken celery very angry until he thought of how he didn’t like celery in soup.
Some of you have realized that there are new videos on the Videos Page. If you haven’t checked it out, please do so. The new “CornMo Rant” is there now. The videos are using a service called YouTube. It’s like Flickr for videos.
There are major updates planned for this site in the coming months. Is something missing? You need to let me know. Do you want more CornMo for your CornDollar? Let your voice be heard! Email me at (webmo at cornmo dot com).
Does anyone out there do clever Flash Animation? Do you want to contribute content to Cornmo.com? Have you ever seen RatherGood? That site is H-I-Larious. I am looking for someone (or someones… somes one?) to create flash cartoons to go with CornMo’s songs. Do you have a favorite CornMo song that needs to be vector animated? If so, drop me a line.
Joel
(webmo at cornmo dot com)
A fool am I! I put down a 2 instead of a 4 and now I can’t finish what I started! In the vein of a sloppy Tesla, I was in the middle of showing off something brown and something fun. It’s not a diamond maker but its close! Oh fie on me!
You know how many filibusters I went through to get this one order in? It would be a filibuster to go through the first day’s list! Oh poop my eyes!
I was going to have the most wonderful unveiling meeting in conference room 10 at the Hyatt on the Riverwalk.
Stupendous mismash!
When I finally get the gumption to restart yesterday’s restarting point I will remember my mistakes and show you the most magnificent work since I don’t know what -Synthetic Tiger’s Milk? Dammit!