I got this witch to come over. She had some kind of lizard’s breath sealed in a jar. I called bullshit on her because you can’t seal breath.
So, she farted and said, “You smell that?”
“Yes.”
“Hold on.”
So, she grabbed a mason jar out of my cabinet (I didn’t know I had one) and went to the bathroom where I heard her fart again but this time it sounded muffled. She came out and showed me a sealed jar.
“Here.”
“What.”
“Open it and smell.”
“Okay.” And I did. And it stunk.
“It smells like my fart, right? Cause I just farted in front of you earlier and it smells the same, right?”
“Yes it does but it doesn’t answer how you got a lizard to breathe in a jar.”
And with that she levitated and slid on her toetips to my bedroom and came back out and said,
“You want to see what lizard’s breath can do?”
“Okay, but Jesse will be home, soon. You shouldn’t try to come on to me. You’re kind of seeing him aren’t you?”
She opened the jar and out came a light the color of rainbows and I was blinded by magicked rave lights and when I could see again, the room was filled with water and a giant goldfish (larger than a koi, smaller than a whale) and I had gills.
And then Jesse came home and the water fell out the door. And when he saw that I had gills he thought that I had had sex with his girlfriend. What a terrible yet amazing day!
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