Glasgow Jimmy

Let me tell you about Jimmy. From the time I was approached by him I was duly warned from three different people to watch out for him. I guess those were people who were around him all the time. For me it was no more than twenty minutes, maybe twenty-five and I enjoyed myself completely.
Jimmy’s balding with long hair, has a belly like mine but bigger and sports a Hitchhiker’s Guide t-shirt of which he was very excited about its upcoming movie.
“He’s been banned from every bar in Scotland.”
“This one?”
“Well, almost.”
Jimmy didn’t have it that night but he usually carries a flask of whisky with him to the bar. And he shares.
“Do ya have any single malt?”
“No, that would be in the front bar.”
We were playing that night at O’Neills -a chain of pubs with no real sound system for bands. It wasn’t terrible, just a hard room to command. Dimmed lights are very helpful at shows. There was no way to dim the lights. Hence, I played a social hall which was fine (it was a good show) but it was just harder to do than the others were.
Alright, so no single malt at that bar so we make our way to the front.
I’ve never had single malt. I’ve never wanted it. I’m not good with whisky. I rarely drink it. And tequila is hard to hold. It’s like a wiggly worm. You think you got a hold of it and then you loseWeight Exercise it. And it waves over its new friends, Malai Kofta Dinner and Cheeseburger Lunch, and says, “Let’s take the party outside, my friends!” That’s why I only do shots in the rain next to a gutter.
“I hope you don’t take this wrong but you remind me of Jim Steinman.”
“Thank you. I love Jim Steinman.”
“I saw Meatloaf once and yelled, ‘Play Bad For Good ya fat bastard!’ And then it got silent.”
“Did he play it?”
“No. ”
Barkeep: “Yes?”
“A Talisker for me and my friend.”
“Ice?”
“Straight. Now, Corn Mo, when we raise our glasses you say, ‘Slainge’ and I’ll say, ‘Slainge Var’.”
And that we did. And it’s very good. It’s the best whisky I’ve ever had. Then I bought a round of Laphroaig. I liked the Talisker better.
Now I know what the big deal is. It’s a hobby to some like this guy who says it brings out chocolate and that Talisker may be good with nachos.
Anyway, Jimmy is a good guy. I later found out he’s a Jedi Chef at the Sci Fi Conventions. Everyone has got something. So, if you’re in Glasgow and someone tells you to stay away from Jimmy, take it with a grain of salt and buy him the second round.