Corn Mo's Boring Life

  • Recording

    I recorded last night.  It’s been a while.  Two other bands have been recording at the same studio so I had to find holes in the studio’s schedule since those bands are better at planning ahead than I am.

    I laid down a banjo track on Thank You.  I’m terrible on banjo.  And my banjo kept going out of tune.  But it worked out.  Then, Dave put a bass track on Old Man.  I had a Reason track laid down already but wanted it to be a real bass.   We did two tracks of the bass to be panned in both speakers.  But then scrapped it.  We’ll redo the bass on Thursday. 
     

  • Axl Rose

    I had a great night last night.  I did a show at the Ars Nova Theater called Automatic Vaudeville.  I like doing these variety shows.  It’s cool to hang out with other performers.  On the bill was a band called Sin Destroyer, At Least It’s Pink, the VIDS, Neal Medlyn, Dirty Martini, and Billy Willing.

    They do you well there in the backstage:  pizza, m&m’s (both kinds), beers, carrots, pringles.  If I was doing magic instead of singing I would have had pizza and beer.  Guess what card you’re thinking of?  Magic.

    I played two songs and went back to cage, as they say.  After the show I went to meet my lady at Show, where the vaudeville is high class, as they say in Grapevine.

    Victoria Secrets had a party at Show with lots of dancing ladies on pedestals.  There was a velvet rope outside but I didn’t see anyone corralled in the cold waiting to have something awesome happen when they got their drinks.

    Una had already done her trapeze act, so we went upstairs where there were more pretty ladies and then I saw the great Axl Rose!  Holy shit!

    “I saw you in ’93 at Texas Stadium.  You were awesome.”

    And that was it.  I couldn’t talk anymore.  Until I had some champagne.  Then, I was back talking to him about Mr. Brownstone and asking him about Chinese Democracy and then he told us about his first time in NY, hanging out with Sean Penn and how surreal it was, and about Stephanie Seymour and how she fucked it all up and then this guy was doing a magic trick with me and him and kept calling him Ax because he had no idea.  I met Axl Rose!  He was a very nice fellow.axlmo.jpg

    Me and Axl

  • Driving in Ireland

    Driving in Ireland is really fun, especially in the south.  There aren’t many long stretches.  It’s a lot of curves on tiny roads.  Some two lane roads are the size of our one lane roads and some one lane roads are the size of driveways.  Sometimes I had to just pull over and let the other car go by.  Shift on the left.  Drive on the left.  Good fun.
    And there’s a lot of sheep who have the right of way.  Sheep everywhere.  And stray dogs.  Sweet dogs with sad eyes.  An owned dog ran beside my car as I was up to 30 mph.  I’m told dogs that still have their balls can do that. I have a friend who bought his dog neuticles, silicone balls for your neutered dog.  I don’t know how fast he ran.

  • Belfast

    There’s a good scene going on in Belfast.  At least to me there is.  Lots of folks came to the show.  I played at the Menagerie, a good bar with good people and good beers.

    The band, Son of Shrimp, invited me to play with them.  They are awesome with the prog rock.  Really nice fellows.  The other fellow, John Cairns, was good, also.

    Jimmy and his new wife, Georgie, came and brought some of my new fast friends from Jimmy’s wedding.  This one guy, Brendan, looks like Robin Leach and has the mannerism of the great Steve Porter.

    rleach.jpgThe way Brendan looks. On the right.

    We had played trivia at the Farmers Inn the previous night and I gave him answers like a traitor because he’s that cool.

    blazingsad55.jpgI gave him Cleavon Little. He came to my show.

    Jimmy gave us a ride around Belfast.  He offered to take his car since I had EU Ireland plates which I guess might not be cool in some parts.  He drove us by a police station where he was almost shot during a riot in the 80’s as he was driving home from work and some kid stood in front of his van with a gun pointed at him.  Jimmy leaned below the windshield and hit the gas.  Looking in his rearview mirror he saw the kid getting up off the side of the road laughing.

    We saw a lot of murals.  A lot of them are beautiful and a lot are just heartbreaking.  Check these out.

    republican.jpgRepublican

    loyalist.jpgLoyalist

    I’ll go into more stories if you and I ever sit down with a beer.  But I will say this now:  The Irish people are lovely.  Really nice people.  You can have a few beers with one and you might be friends for life.  Holy shit are they kind.  And Belfast is awesome.  You should go.

  • STRIKE!

    When I played soccer (or football, depending on how you talk out loud) in the 3rd grade, we voted for a team name.  One dude, who talked too much, wanted The Sweathogs.  I wanted that, too.  Another fellow liked The Rowdies. Another fellow wanted The Strykers.  The dude for the Sweathogs kept pacing saying "Sweathogs" so much that Coach Kennison told him to shut up and that we were not going to be called The Sweathogs.  The team was called the Rowdy Strykers. 

    The MTA workers went on strike today.  I’m going home today.  I hope that’s good timing.

    soccer.gifrobot soccer

  • Weekend of Other People’s Shows

    On Friday, I saw Todd Barry and Andy Kindler on Friday for one of those Comedy Central Presents.  They both killed.  They’re killers.

    todd-barry.jpgfor your wallet-size

    On Saturday, I saw my friend, Dave, play.  He was Izzy from Brownstone and played an acoustic set of his own material.  Good times.  Good songs.  He has no cd’s nor a website so you’ll have to have my hearsay alone.

    "Thanks so much for coming out to my show Saturday – it really meant a
    lot to me. I was not expecting so many people to show up and neither
    were the people working there. When I was soundchecking the sound guy
    was all "hey, maybe people will hear your guitar and come upstairs and
    stay for a song or two…then at least you’ll have a few people in the
    room."  Then you guys were all "hey, we’re here for the show" and I was like "yeah!"
    So anyway, I really appreciate it."

    That’s what Dave said.  And check out my misuse of quotes.  If you change the quotes to parentheses and exchange "hey" for the power of 2, and get 8, let me know.  Because math and grammar are out the door today.

    On Sunday, I went to the Big Apple Circus.  It was okay and then this ventriloquist came out.  I love ventriloquism.  Even if it’s bad.  The guy, Willer Nicolodi, did this act with a live dog.  I don’t know how he made that dog like a puppet but he did.  He made me an idiot for his entertainment.  And then he got three humans to talk through.  He killed.  Wow, did he kill.

    willernicolodi01.jpgWiller Nicolodi with Rudi, the smoking bird

  • Letter from a Brownstone

    Dear Axl Rose,

    I am sorry that I used your likeness on stage this weekend.  I was you not only in New York but in Boston as well.  I wore a kilt like you did and a bandana like you did and grew a beard like you did and tried to sing like you did.  But if you were Elvis, I would have been Aloha Elvis, which I like better than young Elvis. 

    I used cheat sheets for all the songs that I thought I knew.  You write so many words and its hard to remember.  I apologize.  But, boy oh boy, you should have seen the mess of notes at the end of the night.  It looked like I was reading old timey data sheets in the rain.  You see where I’m going?

    I also didn’t drink the sweet tea that was offered to me.  But, in that I think I was straight on with you.

    Oh, and by the way, I don’t know what road you paved but your audience loves to have water spit at them.  I should feel bad for such behavior but I don’t.  When a fake Union soldier pokes his finger at a fake Confederate soldier and says, "You are dead.  I just poked you with my finger that represents a sword used by the man I am reenacting," I feel I was completely in line.  I did see you in ’93 at Texas Stadium but was too far away to have seen you spit if you did.  I noticed you pouted a bit so I did the same and it covered up me reading the handheld cheat sheets that were the back ups to my large cheat sheets. 

    In closing, I am sorry but I had a good time being you.  You should be happy that you are Axl Rose.  That’s the difference between me and a civil war reenactor.  Oh, and what’s so civil about war anyway?  Haha.  Get it?  Anyway, my weekend was awesome because you made it awesome.

    mo

    brownea12082005.jpggood times

  • Dawdlin’: Sitting in With Mr. Brownstone

    We had Mr. Brownstone practice on Saturday.  Those songs are awesome to sing.  I gotta learn the words.

    I had three nosebleeds on Saturday.  One of them occurred when we were playing “You Could Be Mine”.   I was reminded today of the nosebleed while looking over my notes as there were specks of dried blood all over the page.  That day, I kept going because a) we were renting a rehearsal space and b) it just seemed so badass to sing and bleed.

    I remember giving an “It’s alright” look to “Izzy’s” concerned look.  It was especially awesome on the bridge.  Oh, these words tasted like blood:

    “While you’re breakin’ down my back
    and I been rackin’ out my brain
    It don’t matter how we make it
    cause it always ends the same
    you can push it for more mileage but your flaps are wearin thin
    i could sleep on it til mornin
    but this nightmare never ends”

    Hey Hey!
    “There are some jokes you cannot understand until you have been a fool many, many years and thought yourself finally cured and then found out that you had just become a different kind of fool.”
    -Uncle Pietro
    The Earth Will Shake
    Robert Anton Wilson

    mr_brownstone1.jpgsomeone needs to work on his corn mo album (dm photo)

  • Jorts

    My friends, Will and Emily, were in town.  We met at the Met and looked at art.  I should go there more often than I do now.  When I moved to NY, I told myself I should go to the Natural History Museum every Saturday.  I haven’t been in 2 years.  

    forest at winter.jpg  The Forest in Winter at Sunset, 1845–67
    Pierre-Étienne-Théodore Rousseau (French, 1812–1867)

    I also told myself to go see more theater and I haven’t.  My friend, Nick, came to town and got me a free ticket to see Doubt.  The theater is nice and you can drink beer at your seat which is a plus.  John Patrick Shanley wrote a really good play.  He also wrote Joe Versus the Volcano, a fine film that lovingly shows off Long Island City and Abe Vigoda.

    fish3.jpgwarm hearted, who farted?

    Back to Saturday, I tried to take Will and Em and Jasper and Josh and Una to the 7th Regiment Bar but it was closed.

    I went to see my roommate’s band on Friday night at the Irving Plaza.  I was real proud to see them on the big stage.

    irvingghettoway.jpgmy picture phone works

    My friend, Drew, calls bluejean shorts, jorts.  He’s getting some for friends as Christmas gifts.

    dojo_1.jpgDrew, in the middle kneeling, knows what to get the dojo for Christmas

  • Lunchlady

    I saw Willie Nelson last night.  He’s so good.  He played "Angel Flying too Close to the Ground."  What a beautiful song.

    I sat in with Brave Combo the night before.  They’re one of the best bands ever.  Influenced John and John, me, and are one of Denton’s Finest.  So, is this guy.

    vonerich.jpgThe Golden Warrior

    Call this number!  510.351.7654!

  • What I’m Listening to

    I don’t usually write what I’m listening to because most of my friends think I have a terrible taste in music and don’t want to know.  But today I got to listen to a couple of cool cds.  A friend of mine that I met at a TMBG show gave me a cd he had just finished.  It’s handmade, including the packaging.  And it’s really good.  Hopefully, he’ll have a myspace site up to share some of them.  His name is Jimmy Dority.  He’s really good.

    And then my roommate let me borrow "The Best of Free Design".  They do a cover of "You Are My Sunshine", one of the best songs ever written.  I got a little teary. 

    freedesign.gifthe free design

    Well, there’s that.  And then, I finally found Andrew Schroeder songs.  He was the french horn player in the Polyphonic Spree.  He gave me a cd with a song on it a couple of years ago and I love listening to it.  I found his myspace under Andrew Tinker and The Goodnights.  I guess that’s why it took so long.  Here, go listen:

    http://www.myspace.com/goodnights    

    Oh, and I saw Jon Brion last night at the Canal Room.  I wanted to leave because I was getting inspired to be a better musician but I didn’t because I wanted to see him continue his brilliance.  If you’re ever in LA on a Friday go see him at Largo. 

    And when I finally got home I went to my piano and disappointed myself and went to bed.

  • My friend needs help

    My friend Jen is about to be deported. If she does, my friend and former roommate, Dave, will have to leave the country, also, because she is his wife, his friend for life. In the meantime, Jen can’t visit her relatives because then she’ll never be able to come back to the states.
    Jen and Dave are filmmakers. You can click on the Bigfoot link to the right to see Dave’s work.
    You can click on this site to get more info: www.pleasehelpjen.com
    I don’t know the complete history of the legislation involved but I think that back in ’96, a Texas congressman introduced a bill that would allow deportation above a judge’s ruling.
    These are good folks doing some cool things and I don’t want them to leave.

  • Bus Adventure

    I went to visit my girlfriend in Atlantic City the other day. She does the motorcycle/trapeze act at the Steel Pier. Here’s the part about my awesome bus ride.
    Getting there:
    I take the Academy bus from Port Authority. It’s $29 round trip but depending on what casino you get dropped at, you get at least $17 back. (Get dropped off at the Tropicana or Showboat. You get cash and not a gamble card , with all your info given away.) I gambled $5 on video poker. I won 3.50 and then lost it all. That’s the way it goes. I don’t have gamble magic. Tim Delaughter does. He wins all the time. But, I’m cool losing a five.
    Anyway, my bus stops at the Cheesequake rest area for a second pickup. There’s not enough room for everyone. One old dude was told to leave because a fellow who was waiting in line before him couldn’t sit down.
    Bus guy: You need to get off. Come on.
    Old guy to Young Dude: But I’m here.
    Young dude with backwards visor: Come on.
    Old guy: I don’t have a problem with you.
    Young dude with backwards visor: Yeah, well I got a problem with you. I been waitin’ 2 hours.
    Some old dude behind me yelling: There were six people before you.
    Bus guy: Come on get off.
    Old guy gets off. Young guy sits down. Old dude in back yells again.
    Old guy off bus yells at bus guy. He’s turned to the side so as not to be so threatening and walks away, then turns around walks back and yells again, this time to the bus guy’s face. I think I counted four walkbacks and then we left.

    Going back:
    I took the 7:45 bus at Resorts. There’s no bay assignment to line up at so there became 2 lines, each hoping that the bus would stop at their line. I’ve never heard people clap for a bus until last night. I guess I should have. Well, it was my line the bus chose and every one from the other line came rushing to our line. One older lady ran to the front and was immediately yelled at by other ladies.
    Bus guy: I only have room for five (out of 50 waiting). There’s an empty bus arriving at the Taj Mahal at 8:30.
    So, we go to the Taj Mahal. Four women go the wrong way so I yell for them to follow me as I am a denizen of Taj, walking to the big red letters that spell BUSES thru the forest of stupidity called slots, and onto another long line of people who want to go home because the house always wins.
    The older lady who cut earlier is there and is promptly yelled at again.
    Older lady: Don’t yell at me. My husband is right over there!
    I don’t know what that means but it shutup the other ladies, so I’ll know to use that one someday.
    Well, this bus isn’t empty like Surefire told us back at the other casino. Then, it gets awesome. People start cutting in line like crazy and the other waiters (people who wait?) are booing and yelling at the line-cutters. The fantastic four behind me are telling each other how the bus driver should do his job, who is letting the persistent line-cutters on the bus.
    Then, the coolest thing of this bus fiasco: This little old man starts yelling. Like a bark-yell. Holy shit was he loud. It was like a dog barking at a mountain lion who’s about to destroy him.
    Then, the line moves and I’m two people behind those who can’t get on the full bus.
    Then, security shows up. Not just bike cops. I’m talking the kind that you see in the movies: the old guys with secret service wires and suits.
    And then Young Blowhard says: Can you all hear me? There is another bus leaving Showboat at 9:40.
    Lady 1: We’ve been waiting for 2 hours!
    Lady 2: You keep moving us.
    YB: It’s first come first serve.
    Lady 3: You let people cut in line.
    YB: I’m sorry for the . . .
    So, I leave because I don’t want to spend my evening waiting for buses. I opt to stay one more night and leave in the morning. Colt wants to go drink at the Pic-a-lilli but I’m too tired.
    I get up at five, thinking no one will be on my bus. I take the local bus to the Taj and then realize I should go to Trump Plaza so I can leave earlier, 6:15am. An older couple is there and when I’m more awake I furthermore realize that my earlier realization was blurred and that I need to haul ass to the Taj but that’s too late so I head to the Claridge and tell my new old friends to follow me or we’ll miss the bus.
    There’s a short line at the Claridge. And it gets past bus due time so the old guy shows me his schedule and compares it to my bus schedule and they’re different. I got mine on Saturday as I was departing at the Tropicana. I don’t know where he got his.
    Old guy: Why don’t you call this number?
    So, I do. The guy tells me my schedule is wrong and I tell him that there is a line of 50 people who don’t know that and that they should get their shit together. The old guy and his wife leave to catch another bus and I stay in line and wait for the ghost bus. I call another number and a sweet lady says, “I just sell the tickets. Call this number.” So, I call and the bus shows up.
    Boy, am I relieved. I have an empty seat for about 15 minutes and then get Coughy-sleepy next to me and I play some chess on my phone and then I too fall asleep.
    Visit Atlantic City!

  • Sorry about Seaports

    For those that came out to the show Saturday night expecting a full show, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I was supposed to do a 30-45 minute set and was told 15 minutes before I went on that it was going to be a 3 song set. I had my piano and drummer with me and had to leave those offstage. After hearing some lamentations from folks after the set and from those who missed it completely due to the debacle (what a lovely word) I decided to treat myself to an Italian ice. Cherry. And it was tasty. But for real, I feel a little showtime blue balls (I don’t know how else to put it). So, I’m hoping to do a set, soon. Keep watching the site because I may get one this week.
    Ding Dong,
    mo
    The Giants are very gracious.

  • Online Gaming Eavesdrop

    I heard this on my computer’s speakers today. I couldn’t tell what game it was but I think it was Divine Intervention. This is what my computer picked up:

    Let’s go let’s go
    Divine intervention
    I can’t move him
    What the hell
    Omigod
    (lost)
    I didn’t think you could cast with that shit
    Omigod
    God dammit Leroy
    You moron Leroy
    Not my fault
    We do have cyst on don’t we?
    Leroy you are just stupid as hell
    We got fried chicken
    (and then it was gone)

  • My Uncle Kicked Ass on the tv

    http://www.pbs.org/previews/nova_saving_natltreasures/

    My Uncle Nathan was one of many who discussed the best way to preserve the Declaration of Independence. It was like a monster garage show but a little more serious. Although there were some people that performed for the camera. That’s why I can’t watch reality shows. That fake arguing or elevated arguing for the camera is bothersome.
    But my uncle stood his ground on the real argument. They all wanted an airtight casing and made a good design to do so. But, Nathan wanted to frame the sealed casing with pockets filled with silica gel to regulate the humidity. The others argued if it were airtight you wouldn’t need the gel. (This gel is what you find in packaging like a sugar packet.)
    I’m no scientist. Not even an amateur. But I do think backup plans are a good idea and from my science armchair I say you should put the silica gel pockets in just in case the box leaked. My uncle lost the argument and agreed to share the blame when in fifty years it does leak and allows humidity.
    He’s a badass in the preserving of documents. He also worked on preserving the Magna Carta, the Gettysburg Address, and a number of oil paintings.

    check it out: http://www.loc.gov/exhibits/gadd/gapres.html

  • Rock Circus Practice

    Like building a model rocket- you spend days making it and then take it to the park. It’s going to either be spectacular or a dog is going to bite it and chew on it and then bury it.

    I started working with this girl, Irene, on the rock opera. It was weird having someone else sing a song I wrote. I had to let go and let her take the wheel and drive. Like building a model rocket- you spend days making it and then take it to the park. It’s going to either be spectacular or a dog is going to bite it and chew on it and then bury it. Well, it was spectacular. Irene took the torch and high-fived her coach at the finish line.
    I’m gonna write another for her to sing.

  • a cougar can take a rabbit

    The receptionist I work with is taking off next week to lay down some tracks. He raps. His name is BRock. You can pronounce it either way. I hope he goes far. He’s real nice.
    He told me his producer told him to rhyme about escalades and shit he can’t afford. Now he’s told to rhyme about the ghetto.
    He had a rhyming dictionary up on his computer.
    “things that rhyme with -ain”
    “Castles of Spain”
    “woodworking plane”
    I really hope he uses one of those two options that are really on this site.
    I helped him a little and got him going. He got really excited. He told me what he was going to write about and I told him he was already writing it as I repeated it back to him. Write it down.
    Oh, and fuck escalades. I was trying to get a rental out of Nashville during Christmas and there was only one car available in the city.
    “I can go down to $80 a day for you on an escalade.”
    I don’t know. Maybe an Escalade is a good ride. But I’ve driven enough to feel more comfortable in a shitty 89 Nissan because I know I won’t worry about the scratches that will come from the Kroger parking lot. Not that I drive anymore or go to Kroger.
    My friend, Fishboy, makes sure you know it’s Kroger and not Krogers. Internets. Walmarts. Dinners. You only eat one dinner a day unless it’s prepackaged as in “I ate five Hungry Man dinners.” Or you’re a Hobbit. If you’re a lion and you eat two elks it’s still called dinner.
    “I’m going back for seconds.” I say this alot because I do it alot. “I’m going back for a second helping of a Golden Corral dinner because I want my money’s worth.”
    You shouldn’t eat buffet on the road because it’s uncool to yourself and those around you. Unless you get your own hotel room within the hour. I miss the road.

  • Damn Candy

    Man, if anyone lives in NYC and wants to start a soccer team, let me know. Because fat soccer players either die or get thin. I have a Leeds shirt I can wear and that will inspire me to win.

    Dammint. I just had a M-azing bar from the snack machine. I did really well yesterday by eating well but sucked today by getting a hot dog lunch and a poor candy chaser. I’m turning into a shit machine. And my gym just upped their rates. I hope nobody goes there so they’ll go back down on their price.
    You know what sucks about a 65 cent candy bar? Is that the level of joy is lower than the level of reprisal. My desk faces the damn machine. I’ll prove it. From left to right:
    sun chips(french onion)
    dipsy doodles
    chex mix
    wheat thins
    snyders pretzels
    fantasy mix
    lays
    cheezits
    welch’s fruit shits
    some cookie
    trail mix (i
    guess that’s
    okay)
    nutter butter
    kit kat 3 musketeers
    almond joy
    granola bar
    more kit kat
    fuck it goes on to donuts and pop tarts.
    Man, if anyone lives in NYC and wants to start a soccer team, let me know. Because fat soccer players either die or get thin. I have a Leeds shirt I can wear and that will inspire me to win.
    My brain’s getting smaller because of this. I can’t make up cool shit right now because I’m idle. Fuck candy. You want to see me throw away a box of Oreos? Go buy me a box and I’ll do it. I swear I will. Just don’t look at me as I dig through the trash later.

  • My Brother’s Kids

    It’s not how many freethrows you make it’s how you got to the freethrow line.
    And that you can make a freethrow. And Ben Stiller’s making some freethrows.

    I thought that whenever I have a kid I’m going to let him or her watch television all the time. My reference point for success was Ben Stiller. He watched a lot of tv as a kid and if he hadn’t there would be no Heatvision and Jack. He is the Cable Guy. In a good, productive way.
    I heard some radio guy in London dismissing him but you know what? It’s not how many freethrows you make it’s how you got to the freethrow line.
    And that you can make a freethrow. And Ben Stiller’s making some freethrows.
    Anyways, my brother has two kids and they love books. They get to watch videos every once in a while but that’s it. One niece is 4 and can already read a little. The 2-year old loves me reading to her and then says “again” when I’m done.
    So, I don’t know. I may let them watch good tv. Whatever that is. The good thing about having no stimulus is that you begin to create stimulus. Those are good kids.