Blog/Tour Diary

  • The Man with Almost Tremendous Foresight

    I played 2 shows on Saturday.  One was in Red Bank, NJ and the other was in New York City.  The second one was easy because I was to sit in with Mr. Brownstone on a song for their last show ever to be had in NYC.  The only thing was, I kept forgetting the words to Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.  It should be easy, like who played Uncle Buck, but for some reason I always forget. 

    It was on the J train to Bowery where I was trying to remember the second verse to this song when a man came into my car and started playing it.  I hadn’t even prayed for it, yet  and didn’t know I was going to.  I looked for some money to give him but didn’t have any.  I mean I did, but I needed the ten.  

    He got to the second verse and I began to remember the words quicker than he sang them (music therapy is a good memory extractor) but I still couldn’t remember the third line.  And when the dude got to the third line, he mumbled it. Like when God made fool’s gold for the prospector, Yiminy.

    And then, as he walked out of the subway car to the next, he said something in my direction but I couldn’t tell if he was talking to me or the other guy sitting near me.  He said, “If you wear something like that outside, your gonna get knifed.”  I’m glad I didn’t get stabbed because I was wearing white pants.

  • Renelvis Eve

    The last time that I played with Renelvis was some time ago in Raleigh, NC.  My friend, John Ray Rickey, lived there at the time and he wanted the two of us to be involved in his buddy’s wrestling tribute spectacular.  It was spectacular.  I wrote an entry song for each character. All wrestlers had a special power and would use that special power in order to defeat the opponent. Years before, back in Denton, when I was in the Dooms, we wrestled Cornhole to decide who would headline.  Our 8 piece art rock team pulverized their 5 piece giant country rock team (sorry for the lack of proper dashing).
    Renelvis had two Elvis suits that he’d made himself for the two sets-one of Elvis songs (blue suit) and one of songs inspired by Elvis (orange suit).  When I approached him after the show to congratulate him on being a great showman, I was blocked by this other fellow who told me immediately that Renelvis had cd’s for sale.  Renelvis  then introduced his “manager”, Colonel Tom Parker.  The Colonel was autistic. I don’t know what kind of autism he had.  I saw an autistic fellow do a stand-up routine once.  Renelvis’ daughter is also autistic.  I think he met the Colonel through the school his daughter frequents for her autism.  He is a kind man.
    John Ray tried to submit him to an Outsider Music Showcase but was denied because he’s an impersonator.  Bo Jackson and Ben Franklin can only play baseball and the glass harmonica, respectively, and that’s it.  If you write a song called, “Elvis on Terrorism” you should get a pass to take you out of the impersonator’s waiting room.  I’m looking forward to his show.

  • Dave Hill’s Explosion

    I saw The Dave Hill Explosion last night.  He had Fred Armisen, Malcolm Gladwell, and Walter Schreifels as guests.  Fred Armisen did his Sadaam Hussein impersonation.  It’s a good one.  He’s a funny dude.  Real nice, too.  I really like Malcolm Gladwell’s articles for the New Yorker.  I haven’t read his books, yet.  He reminds me of a cross between my old therapist and John Linnell.  He’s very articulate and much smarter than I am.  Walter Schreifels used to play with the Gorilla Biscuits.  I’d never seen them but I liked his song.  It was very well written and he sings nicely.  Dave Hill is a funny guy.  A good showman and a good guy he is.  I hope he wins.

    davehil.jpg  

  • Main Squeeze Rehearsal

    photo by Hai Zhang
    photo by Hai Zhang

    I rehearsed last night with the Main Squeeze Orchestra.  I’d never seen them before, only heard about them.  When I moved to NYC, I asked around about accordion repair shops and Walter Kuhr’s Main Squeeze came up.  I never went to his shop, opting for Alex’s accordion repair shop in Times Square.

    Then, I heard that he’d started an accordion orchestra, an all-female orchestra.  I thought that was a cool idea but still had never gone to see them.  Until last night when my directions brought me to a classroom tucked away near Chinatown to the 13 ladies with accordions led by Walter at the front.

    I felt shy for some reason.  I think it was because it was a classroom, but who knows.  So, I quietly went to the back of the room and sat as they rehearsed the Brandenburg Concerto No. 5.  As I listened, I thought, this man is brilliant.  13 women playing Bach may seem too much of a novelty in theory but to see and hear it is beautiful.  Different women with different accordions. Small accordions.  Bass accordions.  The Main Squeeze accordions that Walter had built.  What heaven this man must face each week.

    The next piece was “Bohemian Rhapsody”.  I sang from the back for I was still feeling the shy.  I felt like a choir boy singing with them.  And when it was over, Walter pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped a tear.  What a lucky man.

  • Recording

    I recorded last night.  It’s been a while.  Two other bands have been recording at the same studio so I had to find holes in the studio’s schedule since those bands are better at planning ahead than I am.

    I laid down a banjo track on Thank You.  I’m terrible on banjo.  And my banjo kept going out of tune.  But it worked out.  Then, Dave put a bass track on Old Man.  I had a Reason track laid down already but wanted it to be a real bass.   We did two tracks of the bass to be panned in both speakers.  But then scrapped it.  We’ll redo the bass on Thursday. 
     

  • A CD from a Tapas Restaurant

    Two guys walk by a guy who is building a fort out of toothpicks and is in the stage of finding something small enough to enjoy the fort.  One guy says, “Hey, why is taking Mo so long to make a cd?”  The other guy says, “Because he can’t find an animal willing to enjoy his newly varnished fort.”

    I can send you free is a cd compilation that I received to promote a show that started with my bass player saying,

    200px-Johan_Olov_Wallin.jpg  “Hey Mo, this guy wants us to play at his restaurant and will feed us and pay us.   It’s on a Monday and they want to make a cd of the bands playing just to promote the shows.”

    prospect2.jpg “ok”

    The Saturday before the show I was walking in the neighborhood of the venue and looked inside.  It was a tapas restaurant which was good because I began looking forward to my free tapas dinner but there was nowhere to set up, no p.a., nothing.  My ominous feeling about this gig was simultaneously felt by my bass player who called me within the half hour and said,

    200px-Johan_Olov_Wallin.jpg “Hey Mo, I have a weird feeling about playing at this restaurant.  I want to go by and check it out.”

    prospect2.jpg “Hey, I’m pretty close to it and I have the same feelings.”

    We met the owner at the restaurant and told him who we were.  He looked panicked since this will be the whole band, rocking very close to people eating dinner.

    columbus.jpg “We can move this table.”  But, the table’s not the problem.  The whole thing is the problem.  So, I offer to cancel it as a misunderstanding.  The band the previous week had to stop because customers were leaving.  This situation was not far from Hedwig’s seafood restaurant tour and cancelling would be in the best interest of everyone.  But the owner was looking for rainbows in an exploding toilet.

    columbus.jpg “No, I would like you to play.  How about if you come and if it is too loud then you stop and still get paid and eat.”

    I’m all for that but I know its going to be a pain for everyone else. 

    The situation was finally remedied at 4pm on Monday and it was agreed that I would do the show by myself.  I shit you not when I tell you that it was too loud even with me unamplified.  No mics, no amplifiers.  Just me, my accordion, and my casio piano’s tiny speakers.  The dudes who signed the Arctic Monkeys showed up and I just shook my head thinking, You came to this one.  But I enjoyed myself because it was so quiet and will do it again in such manner someday.

    You can have a souvenir of this debacle.  Free.  It’s just a compilation of latin rock bands and me.  I should have recorded the performance but I didn’t.  I’ll mail you one or give you one somewhere.  And I will continue working on my new cd of songs. cornmo@hotmail.com

  • A Treasure of Crap

    Still sick.  How bloggy of me.  I think I’m grinding my teeth in my sleep and in the process I’m milling/mining some mercury and thus making myself a most incredible moron.  There’s more to it than lame excuses I’m sure but that’s a good one I think.

    I love lists.  I really enjoy crafting my setlist before a show.  I love watching my grandmother make a grocery list for me.  It’s well thought out and the handwriting is shaky and in cursive.  She usually verbally adds souse because I think she knows its bad for her (souse is a cold cut made from pig snouts).  VH1 goes shithouse on lists.  What?  What I thought was brilliant wasn’t?  What was I thinking?  Lists are quick and factual.  It’s good that I like doing my taxes.  It’s bad that I’ll allow myself to look at inane lists ad nauseam.

    Thus, I have some crap I need to loseWeight Exercise.  Email me your address if you like crap (I’m not going to shit in a box. I know how to but I choose not to) and I’ll enclose the follow-up email with a list of what I am parting to you.  And believe you me, it will be a treasure of crap.

    love,

    Dummy

  • Sick of being Sick

    I’m sick today.  I hate being sick.  I can’t concentrate on anything except headaches and coughing.  I got it on the plane yesterday.  I should start wearing a mask on the plane so that I don’t get sick or get others sick.  A full-hooded mask.  “Hey, I’m cool.  I’m just sick.  And polite.”

    I started writing today and ended up with a stupid poem called “Fat Balling”.  I deleted it.  I can’t write sick.  I’m a moron plus sick.

    Lilly

    My Aunt Lilly makes birthday phone calls as it is her hobby.  She also calls the local radio station to remind them to say happy birthday, also.  I had her call my roommate for his birthday and I think this is how it went:

    “happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday i love you happy birthday to you.”

    “Thanks, Lilly.  How are you?”

    “I don’t feel too good. I woke up with a headache.  When’s Jon coming home?”

    “I don’t know.”

    Sometime I’ll do her voice for you.  It makes a better story. 

    Kid Laughed at Joke

    My 5-year-old niece told me a knock-knock joke and I told it to my friend’s 6-year-old and he turned red in the face with laughter.  It’s a good joke.  Then, he made me play Busey Boy on the piano.  My friend has good kids.

    Third Base

    I saw the girl I went to third base with for the first time and didn’t say hello.  That wasn’t nice of me but it seemed awkward since it seemed like yesterday. Basketball pep band was awkward, too.  I do a lot of awkward shit.  I should have said, “hello.”

    Fatballing

    Fat ball

    Fat  . . . bald

    Fat . . .  balding

    Fat  . . . balling

    BONANZA!

    I told you.

     

  • Upgrading…Don’t be scared.

    Cornmo.com is going through some changes. We ask that you be supportive and not make fun of the site in its awkward adolescence.

    Love,

    Joel

    (webmo)

  • News

    I recorded last night.  It went well.  The album is starting to take shape and I’m getting excited about its progress.  The Magic is You! took less than a week to record.  This one has been taking too long and I’ve been second guessing my choices, frequently.  But now, I feel a momentum and it’s good as I don’t mind fumbling about it.

    The artwork is coming along, too.  Not as dynamic as the last one, but cool.  It was going to be called "Your Favorite Hamburger is a Cheeseburger" and then it was going to be called something else but that’s going to change again I’m sure.

    One of my favorite songs on the cd so far is 20 seconds long and in German.  I had some help translating and will probably be incorrect in my pronunciations.

    I hope to have it out, soon.

  • Whenever She is Blue

    I used the rendering tool, Coconut Head, on my girlfriend’s first communion photo.  Whenever I show it to her, she vomit laughs.

  • Axl Rose

    I had a great night last night.  I did a show at the Ars Nova Theater called Automatic Vaudeville.  I like doing these variety shows.  It’s cool to hang out with other performers.  On the bill was a band called Sin Destroyer, At Least It’s Pink, the VIDS, Neal Medlyn, Dirty Martini, and Billy Willing.

    They do you well there in the backstage:  pizza, m&m’s (both kinds), beers, carrots, pringles.  If I was doing magic instead of singing I would have had pizza and beer.  Guess what card you’re thinking of?  Magic.

    I played two songs and went back to cage, as they say.  After the show I went to meet my lady at Show, where the vaudeville is high class, as they say in Grapevine.

    Victoria Secrets had a party at Show with lots of dancing ladies on pedestals.  There was a velvet rope outside but I didn’t see anyone corralled in the cold waiting to have something awesome happen when they got their drinks.

    Una had already done her trapeze act, so we went upstairs where there were more pretty ladies and then I saw the great Axl Rose!  Holy shit!

    “I saw you in ’93 at Texas Stadium.  You were awesome.”

    And that was it.  I couldn’t talk anymore.  Until I had some champagne.  Then, I was back talking to him about Mr. Brownstone and asking him about Chinese Democracy and then he told us about his first time in NY, hanging out with Sean Penn and how surreal it was, and about Stephanie Seymour and how she fucked it all up and then this guy was doing a magic trick with me and him and kept calling him Ax because he had no idea.  I met Axl Rose!  He was a very nice fellow.axlmo.jpg

    Me and Axl

  • Culver City’s Cabinet of Wonder

    I had a good time in LA.  I visited the La Brea Tar Pits this time.  There’s a wall of wolf skulls.  Or jawbones.  I can’t remember except that it was immense.  Nonetheless, they have a wealth of fossils there.
    Superlative to the museums I visited is still the Museum of Jurassic Technology. Oh, how I love to see the vision of one person come to fruition! There I caught a movie trailer that the founder was showing in order to acquire the funds to make a complete movie.  It was a waterfall with some piano in the background but at one point just the waterfall.  I love quiet nature videos.  I tried to make one in Ireland but my hand shook too much as I was driving.  I hope Mr. Wilson gets his funding.
    I did a show with Hard N Phirm.  One of the guys in that group is Chris Hardwick, who hosted Singled Out and was physically bothered in House of 1000 Corpses.  They did a Tron rock opera not then but at another time. The other fellow, Mark, has no sense of smell. Really nice fellows. 

    hardnphirm.jpgHard N Phirm

    The other guy in the show was Mike O’Connell, who was very funny.  If Rip Taylor were a Kentucky colonel and enjoyed the company of a lady and a glass of white then you’d be hanging out with Mike.

    mike.gifMike

    I went over my time again.  This is twice in the comedy.  The first time was awful.  This time not so bad.  Usually, the sound guy tells you “One more” meaning “you have time for one more song.”  I usually tell the sound guy to tell me “10 minutes” meaning “you have 10 more minutes” and I gauge it from there.  On the comedy stage, however, there’s a light.  And when the light comes on it means “wrap it up.” 
    When I was in Y-Indian Guides, my name was Brave Wolf.  Now it would be Dumbhead Who Can’t See Light.  Pardon my French.
    I enjoy LA.  Read City of Quartz.

  • Driving in Ireland

    Driving in Ireland is really fun, especially in the south.  There aren’t many long stretches.  It’s a lot of curves on tiny roads.  Some two lane roads are the size of our one lane roads and some one lane roads are the size of driveways.  Sometimes I had to just pull over and let the other car go by.  Shift on the left.  Drive on the left.  Good fun.
    And there’s a lot of sheep who have the right of way.  Sheep everywhere.  And stray dogs.  Sweet dogs with sad eyes.  An owned dog ran beside my car as I was up to 30 mph.  I’m told dogs that still have their balls can do that. I have a friend who bought his dog neuticles, silicone balls for your neutered dog.  I don’t know how fast he ran.

  • Belfast

    There’s a good scene going on in Belfast.  At least to me there is.  Lots of folks came to the show.  I played at the Menagerie, a good bar with good people and good beers.

    The band, Son of Shrimp, invited me to play with them.  They are awesome with the prog rock.  Really nice fellows.  The other fellow, John Cairns, was good, also.

    Jimmy and his new wife, Georgie, came and brought some of my new fast friends from Jimmy’s wedding.  This one guy, Brendan, looks like Robin Leach and has the mannerism of the great Steve Porter.

    rleach.jpgThe way Brendan looks. On the right.

    We had played trivia at the Farmers Inn the previous night and I gave him answers like a traitor because he’s that cool.

    blazingsad55.jpgI gave him Cleavon Little. He came to my show.

    Jimmy gave us a ride around Belfast.  He offered to take his car since I had EU Ireland plates which I guess might not be cool in some parts.  He drove us by a police station where he was almost shot during a riot in the 80’s as he was driving home from work and some kid stood in front of his van with a gun pointed at him.  Jimmy leaned below the windshield and hit the gas.  Looking in his rearview mirror he saw the kid getting up off the side of the road laughing.

    We saw a lot of murals.  A lot of them are beautiful and a lot are just heartbreaking.  Check these out.

    republican.jpgRepublican

    loyalist.jpgLoyalist

    I’ll go into more stories if you and I ever sit down with a beer.  But I will say this now:  The Irish people are lovely.  Really nice people.  You can have a few beers with one and you might be friends for life.  Holy shit are they kind.  And Belfast is awesome.  You should go.

  • STRIKE!

    When I played soccer (or football, depending on how you talk out loud) in the 3rd grade, we voted for a team name.  One dude, who talked too much, wanted The Sweathogs.  I wanted that, too.  Another fellow liked The Rowdies. Another fellow wanted The Strykers.  The dude for the Sweathogs kept pacing saying "Sweathogs" so much that Coach Kennison told him to shut up and that we were not going to be called The Sweathogs.  The team was called the Rowdy Strykers. 

    The MTA workers went on strike today.  I’m going home today.  I hope that’s good timing.

    soccer.gifrobot soccer

  • Weekend of Other People’s Shows

    On Friday, I saw Todd Barry and Andy Kindler on Friday for one of those Comedy Central Presents.  They both killed.  They’re killers.

    todd-barry.jpgfor your wallet-size

    On Saturday, I saw my friend, Dave, play.  He was Izzy from Brownstone and played an acoustic set of his own material.  Good times.  Good songs.  He has no cd’s nor a website so you’ll have to have my hearsay alone.

    "Thanks so much for coming out to my show Saturday – it really meant a
    lot to me. I was not expecting so many people to show up and neither
    were the people working there. When I was soundchecking the sound guy
    was all "hey, maybe people will hear your guitar and come upstairs and
    stay for a song or two…then at least you’ll have a few people in the
    room."  Then you guys were all "hey, we’re here for the show" and I was like "yeah!"
    So anyway, I really appreciate it."

    That’s what Dave said.  And check out my misuse of quotes.  If you change the quotes to parentheses and exchange "hey" for the power of 2, and get 8, let me know.  Because math and grammar are out the door today.

    On Sunday, I went to the Big Apple Circus.  It was okay and then this ventriloquist came out.  I love ventriloquism.  Even if it’s bad.  The guy, Willer Nicolodi, did this act with a live dog.  I don’t know how he made that dog like a puppet but he did.  He made me an idiot for his entertainment.  And then he got three humans to talk through.  He killed.  Wow, did he kill.

    willernicolodi01.jpgWiller Nicolodi with Rudi, the smoking bird

  • Letter from a Brownstone

    Dear Axl Rose,

    I am sorry that I used your likeness on stage this weekend.  I was you not only in New York but in Boston as well.  I wore a kilt like you did and a bandana like you did and grew a beard like you did and tried to sing like you did.  But if you were Elvis, I would have been Aloha Elvis, which I like better than young Elvis. 

    I used cheat sheets for all the songs that I thought I knew.  You write so many words and its hard to remember.  I apologize.  But, boy oh boy, you should have seen the mess of notes at the end of the night.  It looked like I was reading old timey data sheets in the rain.  You see where I’m going?

    I also didn’t drink the sweet tea that was offered to me.  But, in that I think I was straight on with you.

    Oh, and by the way, I don’t know what road you paved but your audience loves to have water spit at them.  I should feel bad for such behavior but I don’t.  When a fake Union soldier pokes his finger at a fake Confederate soldier and says, "You are dead.  I just poked you with my finger that represents a sword used by the man I am reenacting," I feel I was completely in line.  I did see you in ’93 at Texas Stadium but was too far away to have seen you spit if you did.  I noticed you pouted a bit so I did the same and it covered up me reading the handheld cheat sheets that were the back ups to my large cheat sheets. 

    In closing, I am sorry but I had a good time being you.  You should be happy that you are Axl Rose.  That’s the difference between me and a civil war reenactor.  Oh, and what’s so civil about war anyway?  Haha.  Get it?  Anyway, my weekend was awesome because you made it awesome.

    mo

    brownea12082005.jpggood times