Dummy wins a comb over

Tommy had two gigs yesterday.  One was at a daycare and the other was at an assisted living complex.  The first one went fine.  The toddlers usually scream with joy or fright when the dummy, Mark, begins talking.  He did his usual knock-knocks because kids love the knock-knocks and then did a skit with the dummy on one knee and a five-month-old on the other.  The four-year-olds love this because they aren’t babies any longer.

"Knock knock" (The infant starts the joke)

"Who’s there?" (dummy is good at looking at the kids)

"Lucifer." (Daycare teacher looks around uncomfortably)

"Lucifer who?"

"Lucifered different, we get a neeewww video to watch after cookies."

"Hurrah for the video and hurrah for the cookies!"

This is how he sold his video.

He took his fifty dollars plus his video money and drove to the old folks village.  His act went best when a certain group of old thuggy ladies didn’t show up to gossip loudly at the middle table.

"She doesn’t know how to pee anymore"  "She keeps talking about her husband" "She needs to close her mouth when she eats walnuts" "What do you call that guy?"  "A ventriliquist.  A ventriloquist.  A fool!"  "Hahahahaha!" "HaHa"

They showed up this time.   He was ready this time because he had bought a video 2 days prior from a magic store ($120, if you’re serious) that showed him how to use his dummy as a ouija board. 

The old ladies were back at it again.  This time one of them had a walkie talkie cell phone and was talking to another old lady who was on the comode.

"Yeah, its that fool with the dummy again!" BEEP!

Tommy took Mark out of his case like a professional murderer and set him on his knee, pricked a drop of blood from his finger, wiped it inside Mark’s mouth, and dropped two pair of dice through a hole bore inside Mark’s back that had the names of the ladies’ deceased husbands.  He had to shake him like a Boggle because the dice had to be one name face up.  After five tries, they faced up on the name, Louis.

Mark began speaking in Louis’ voice and one old mean lady perked up and Louis said,

"Sally, you should shut up sometimes.  And stop sitting with Hildy.  She calls you Wingnut!"

Tommy had a great show and sold 2 videos.