The dinnercar had two men who got shrimp. One guy got scampi, the other guy got butterflied and breaded. The first man ate his with wine, the other man ate his with cola. The two talked about different women they’d been with over the years. Everytime the waiter came by to refill their waters, there was a different lady.
“I remember Shirley. What a woman. She loved cod.”
“I dated a lady back when named Williebird. She loved haddock aspic.”
“I remember once with Shirley, she had a bird named Hagina.”
“Like vagina?”
“Yeah but she said it rhymed with a sneeze. She got all offended by my remark.”
“That’s not a remark. It’s an observation.”
“Yeah, but you couldn’t argue with Shirley. That’s why I live alone. Because Shirley and the other Shirley’s can’t hear an observation without first considering it a remark. Then, the whole evening’s ruined. And who can make haddock aspic?”
“I had tomato aspic once. I didn’t care for it.”
“It’s a lot of work. And I don’t have time to make it just to be lambasted for saying Vagina instead Achooo!”
“You wanna taste my shrimp?”
“Yeah, you want some of mine?”
“No, thanks.”
“Okay. What if Tina Louise came in the dinnercar with a bottle of wine-”
“White?”
“No, red. And she said, “If you promise to never make me angry I’ll do to you what I tried to do with Gilligan”, would you say okay?”
“Hmm. Well, it is Tina Louise. I don’t know. That’s a hard one. I’ll say no right now but come back to me later. Especially if you have Tina Louise.”
“Okay.”
The waiter came back one more time with water and asked if the gentlemen would like dessert.
“I’ll have a Tina Louise with a coconut cream pie on the side.”
“Bring two forks because we’re sharing.”
And the waiter brought vanilla ice cream. Two bowls. Two spoons. Took away their dinner plates and finished out his night. His tips came in okay that night but he did walk away with one thing: I’ll never have to wash my dick in the sink again.