Daily Archives May 1, 2005

Doggone Funny

Once upon a time my dog was sick for his mouth was full of bacteria and needed a professional teeth cleaning. The fee was $300 which I didn’t have so I studied some mystics and learned how to possess my dog since teaching him to gargle was near impossible.
I possessed him and it was neat. I tugged on a sock that I had previously tied to a chair leg while full-on human. It felt good to tug.
Then, I proceeded to the dog dish where I had laid out some mouthwash to which I gargled and spit. I then went over to a chair where I had duct taped an electric toothbrush perpendicular and proceeded to concentrate on each tooth. I gargled again and then went to lie down in the sun to see what the big whoop was about. It was real nice.
Then, I pooped in a corner to see why that was cool and it was...

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Glasgow Jimmy

Let me tell you about Jimmy. From the time I was approached by him I was duly warned from three different people to watch out for him. I guess those were people who were around him all the time. For me it was no more than twenty minutes, maybe twenty-five and I enjoyed myself completely.
Jimmy’s balding with long hair, has a belly like mine but bigger and sports a Hitchhiker’s Guide t-shirt of which he was very excited about its upcoming movie.
“He’s been banned from every bar in Scotland.”
“This one?”
“Well, almost.”
Jimmy didn’t have it that night but he usually carries a flask of whisky with him to the bar. And he shares.
“Do ya have any single malt?”
“No, that would be in the front bar.”
We were playing that night at O’Neills -a chain of pubs with no real sound system for bands...

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