Monthly Archives May 2005

Parkside Lounge

Thursday, June 2
Parkside Lounge
317 E Houston
b/n Ave B and C
9pm
$5
parksidelounge.com
I’m gonna try out some new stuff; play some piano and play the requests i normally refuse.

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If it’s hot don’t wear the jacket

I wore my sequin jacket during my set at Jam on the River. It looks good but I got a bit slow from the heat towards the end of the set.
I went to the FYE tent to sign some cd’s and a storm came in. Holy shit was it awesome. The cd’s blew off the table and the canopy began to blow away. If not for my dynamic Lose Weight Exercise holding down the tent, FYE would have lost it all. The three employees and I were holding onto the greatest kite ever. And then I thought, idiot, I’m gonna get struck by lightning. And then, someone who had their cd signed, asked for a picture. So, I had one arm around her and one arm holding the shelter. Shit man, I was Thor.
We took down the roof and I went back to my dressing room and hung out with DJ Logic and was rewarded with a Yuengling. Good times.

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Tonic with the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow

Thursday, May 26
Corn Mo with the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players!
at At Tonic
107 Norfolk Street
between Delancey and Rivington Streets in Manhattan’s Lower East Side
8pm
$12

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The Birchmere in Alexandria, VA

Burlesque at the Birchmere
starring
The Pontani Sisters
Miss Dirty Martini
Corn Mo
Trixie Little
The Evil Tap Dancing Hate Monkey
hosted by..
Todd Robbins
w/ live music from
The Fisherman Xylophonic Burlesque Orchestra

The Birchmere
3701 Mt. Vernon Ave
Alexandria, VA 22305
703-549-7500
Advance tickets available at The Birchmere box office &
www.birchmere.com
$16.50

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Jam on the River-Philadelphia

Saturday, May 28
In Philadelphia!
Corn Mo at Jam On the River
at Penn’s Landing
2:15 pm
more info
i’m playin’ outdoors!

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The Gamey

There was this kid who loved syrup. He bemoaned the days when mom was out of it. He dipped everything in it: bacon, biscuits, corn dogs, hot dogs, grilled cheese, french fries, cake and pork chops. And his list went on.
One day his uncle shot a squirrel, boiled it and put it on the kids plate. His uncle knew of his love for syrup and for the common use of syrup on wild game.
The kid tasted it.
“Hey, this tastes like chicken.”
“That’ s because it is chicken.”
“Really?”
“No. But yes it is chicken.”
“Schinken?”
“Yes.”
“That’s pork.”
“Not pork.”
“Is it squirrel?”
“No. It’s shicken.”
“Chicken?”
“No. Yes. It’s tastes like chicken right?”
“What am I eating?”
“You tell me.”
“It’s meat.”
“Yes it is.”
“Did you hunt it?”
“I may have.”
“Then it’s squirrel.”
“Maybe I shot a pig in the back.”
...

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Ballad of Casey Dobbins

Mr. Freebird himself, Casey Dobbins, was waiting to buy tickets to the mechanical toy theater production of “Wind Up the Wind Because Wednesday’s Gone, Too”. When four o’clock became four o’clock he picked up his rotary and began dialing ten numbers very quickly.
Busy.
Again.
Busy.
Again.
Busy.
Again.
“Hello?”
Oh no. This isn’t Ticketline. “Hello, is this Ticketline?”
“No, this is Judy.”
“Oh . . . Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Who are-”
Again.
Busy.
Again.
Busy.
Again.
“We’re sorry. Captain May’s Travelling Mechanical Toy Theater Proudly Presents ‘Skynrd: Wind Up the Wind Because Wednesday’s Gone, Too’ is sold out. We apologize for any-”
Again.
Busy.
Again.
Same message.
Oh dear. Oh dear. What now? Oh dear.
Casey ate a whole bag of Twizzlers as he circled the block of his house t...

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Knitting Factory with the Ambitious Orchestra

Sunday, May 15
The Knitting Factory
74 Leonard St.
Manhattan
Main Stage
7pm
$12
w/ The Ambitious Orchestra and The Wau Wau Sisters and Rachel Garniez
directions
The proceeds of this show go to help my friend Ben finance his new album. Ben makes good albums.

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New Downloads Soon

New downloads will be coming, soon. Among them will be the tribute to the great Kevin Von Erich.
The Ben Folds Tour has been going well. Everyone has been real nice. Good times!

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Corn Mo and Ben Folds

Ben Folds
5/3
Chicago, IL
The Riviera Theatre
all ages

5/4
Royal Oak, MI
Royal Oak Music Theater
all ages

5/5
Indianapolis, IN
The Murat Center
Egyptian Room
all ages

5/8
Washington, DC
9:30 Club
all ages

5/9
Durham, NH
UNH Field House
all ages

5/10
NYC
Town Hall Theater
all ages

5/13
Philadelphia, PA
Electric Factory
all ages

5/14
Boston, MA
Avalon
18+

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Town Hall

The stage crew at Town Hall are tightknit. They all seem to get along well. One guy shared his dinner with me after the show. Good, good fellows.
This is the place where Mighty Wind was shot. It didn’t feel like Mighty Wind but more like the audience in Chris Elliot’s portrayal of FDR. I loved that special.
This was the first show on the tour with seats. It made me work harder. I didn’t pull out all the stops because I ran out of time but I did pull the stops real hard.
There’s was a huge Steinway backstage and organ pipes on the sides of the stage. I’d love to play the organ there someday. I played one at Trinity University in San Antonio. There’s a delay from pushing the keys to hearing the sound. I tried playing a Bach invention on it but couldn’t...

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Red Bastard

see Red Bastard as Eric Davis
in Absence of Magic, created by Eric Davis.
May 8 through June 26, 2005 Sundays at 7pm (except June 5)
7:30pm
$10
The Brick Theater
575 Metropolitan
Brooklyn
Eric Davis is brilliant. You should see him.

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DC’s Fonz

I get confused with all the Florida streets DC has to offer but when I finally find get to where I need to it’s awesome. The 930 club takes real good care of you. Someone made tomato soup with stuff in it as soon as I walked in. And then they brought me dinner! And then beer! And then I got a motorcycle ride!
I wanted to kick around in Bowie and see the old sites but didn’t have time. And the museums. Next time.

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A Note I Found in a Cave Canopied by an Old Tree

Here comes dawn and I’m not ready. I just made some real blood oranges. Not the Italian kind. More like the kind of oranges you find in prison, the kind given to inmates from people on the outside. Liquored oranges. Those oranges, injected with a syringe filled with vodka, are the brothers of my oranges, the ones I injected with blood and allowed to pickle in the blood barrel. I made of batch for me and my friends and now dawn is here and I have to get underground before the sun does me no good. If you’re human and you find this note, please leave the barrel alone because we want to watch The Poseiden Adventure tomorrow night instead if feeding on the likes of you. In fact, if you could give our Renfield guy a winebox full of blood that would be great.
In time, we will be cool to you...

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Indianapolis 500 blowout

I played a whole song on piano without any sound coming out. I could hear it onstage but noone in the audience heard it. I started the second piano song when I was told the sound wasn’t working. Excellent!
It was like dropping a bowling ball on a glass table and then still trying to serve ice cream on napkins. Delicious!
Someone yelled out Freebird and I played it, though I shouldn’t have.
I still have trouble talking to the audience individually. It’s hard not to. I have a hard time not answering back to dialogue directed at me.
“Are you high?”
No. Please. I’ll crash and burn with one beer at this thing. Hi. Yes, I did see Bad Boys. Huh? Not the second one. I should finish my set. Oh, yes I did like the first one...

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Diamond Deers

One time I feeled up this tree to see if it had diamonds in the bark. Someone had tipped me off and told me a rich man who had plenty of disposable income decided to make buckshot out of diamonds. Real diamonds. Not synthetic and not glassy fakes. He wanted to kill a deer with it so that he could serve venison with prizes. Oh, how eccentric he would be.
“Look at me I’m so crazy and wealthy! I’m a tart and I don’t care! Everyone listens to what I say so that I’ll throw them a bone filled with cash!”
So, he took a jar of diamonds and poured them into the casing and topped it off. He made five of these. He fancied himself a Van Helsing but stopped short of wearing a fedora.
I’m brilliant. I should film this. No. I’ll get Johnson to film it.
“Johnson!”
Where is he?
“Johnson!”
“Yes ...

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Holiday Inn

I stayed at the Holiday Inn in Chicago. It has a holidome with a macaw named Popeye.

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Ben Folds-Chicago

Ben Folds is a beautiful gentleman. What a stand up fellow. And so are Lindsey and Jerrod. Nice, nice fellows. And their tour manager, Joe, is stand up guy, too. He takes good care of me and always smiles and goes to bat for me when 2 outs are coming. I’m a lucky fellow. Real lucky.
The first night was in Chicago at the Riviera. I’m intimidated by places of such heights. But I walk in and there’s my beer and soda and bananas in my room and 2 dinners right outside in the hallway: pad thai, steak, pasta, homemade soup, salad, desert, good cheese and GOOD TIMES. I meet everyone and everyone is cool. Everyone. Mike, the sound guy, is a pro. And the promoters took a house of cards and put bricks around them. So tight!
The show went well and I got to watch Ben’s magic hands from ...

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Glasgow Dancing

I got a donner kebab the other day in Glasgow. It was the best donner kebab I’d ever had. Eric had 3 of them. The taxi waited for him to go back for another one. It topped off a weird night.
After the show we took our things to the tour bus and went out and about. I was very happy to be hanging out with Scots. Two excellent fellows, John and Steve, took me to the Cathouse.
“You want to go to a metal club?”
I pictured sitting at the bar listening to Guns and Roses and it sounded lovely.
“Yes. Let’s do it.”
Two of the lassies said, “You don’t want to go there” which made me want to go even more. I haven’t heard Ugly Kid Joe in a long time and I felt like it was coming.
The alleys in Glasgow smell like pee because of people like me...

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Doggone Funny

Once upon a time my dog was sick for his mouth was full of bacteria and needed a professional teeth cleaning. The fee was $300 which I didn’t have so I studied some mystics and learned how to possess my dog since teaching him to gargle was near impossible.
I possessed him and it was neat. I tugged on a sock that I had previously tied to a chair leg while full-on human. It felt good to tug.
Then, I proceeded to the dog dish where I had laid out some mouthwash to which I gargled and spit. I then went over to a chair where I had duct taped an electric toothbrush perpendicular and proceeded to concentrate on each tooth. I gargled again and then went to lie down in the sun to see what the big whoop was about. It was real nice.
Then, I pooped in a corner to see why that was cool and it was...

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