Bowie asked us to do a song with him!

I walked by the stage to the dressing room in Winnipeg and saw he and Tim in serious conversation. It was fuckin magic.

This is rock n roll. This is where the branches on the rock tree grow.

I couldn’t sleep last night. I got up and tried to write new songs. I gotta write one for Una’s motorcycle act. So I got out some midway carnival hits (Kid Rock) and let it try to inspire me.

Jesse was playing X Box. John and Logan were playing guitars.

We stopped earlier somewhere between Winnipeg and Edmonton to watch the Aurora Borealis. They weren’t as amazing as some pictures I’d seen but they were amazing nonetheless.

I got a little bit done on my writing. I ended up writing a story instead.

We got to Edmonton just short of 6 am.

Me and John and Jesse went to the hotel with Roger, the driver, to use the hotel bathroom. I gotta wash clothes real soon. I’ve been wearing the same jeans for 2 weeks.

I’m perpetually tired but it’s awesome. I’m finally in the groove of this.

Someone stuffed up the toilet again. The toilet on the bus is the center of attention. I never shit on that bus. Never. Ask the poo that was felled from the tanks.

“Sorry, don’t recognize him.”

I’m starting to get the hang of this. I’ve been having ADD on the bus mostly. I had big plans to write stuff and be productive on this bus especially with travel days. All I’ve been doing is playing X Box, watching movies, trying to read, trying to write, and playing more X Box.

I sent a check to my bank and it hasn’t gotten there yet. 2 weeks. Thanks, USPS. I need that money. Thank you those who allow yourselves to be the pompous idiots that feel the customer works for you. Thanks for being assholes. Thanks for letting me go to Fed Ex from now on. I fuckin’ need that money.

I like these Canadians. Some remind me of John Candy-overweight and overfriendly. Some are real hot like the girl from 24. And some are real passive-aggressive. I have a lot of travelling to do before I can generalize even more. Some remind me of a friendly joe. No quaking just doing stuff.

I dig these Canadians.

After the show in Quebec City me and Louis and Rick and Ricky met up with some folks from Montreal. I was feeling under the weather but knew I’d be on the bus to Winnipeg for a long time. It was fucking cold and snowy. We rode into town with a med student named Liz and met up with Roberto, Andre, Julia, and 2 other really nice ladies. Julia was what the Ticket would call a “little miracle”. Roberto was in The Stars and worked with Broken Social Scene. It’s nice to talk to new people over beer. Fuckin’ real nice guy. Andre was real nice, too. They were all real nice. I was hurtin from a cold I still can’t get over but I had a good time. I learned some French Canadian cusswords and learned to not trust every restaurant just because it’s French.

Louis is real good at finding people to hang out with.

Man, I’m really tired and I think it’s from laying around a bus all day.

Me and Bryan Wakeland got some poutine at Harv’s and it was real good.

I watched SWAT and Lost in Translation on the bus. We spent 2 days driving to Winnipeg. Some folks watched the Lord of the Rings Trilogy in the front of the bus. The way we got number 3 has been put on the down low.

Someone shit in the toilet and it stopped up the comode and no one fessed up. My name was tossed around but I went 3 weeks as a kid without taking a shit when my folks took me to Holland. I can hold out for a day and I can handle a Canadian truck stop.

SWAT sucked but I still enjoyed it. Lost in Translation was better than I thought it would be. I like Bill Murray. He’s America’s bad ass. I wish Steve Martin would do more cool shit. Same with Gene Wilder.

We stopped along the lake to look see and I pissed in the woods and threw a rock on the frozen lake. Rick stood on the ice for a picture and didn’t have to reenact the Omen.

Roger, the bus driver, drained the shitter and found poop on his pick stick. I swear I didn’t shit on the bus. We should have a scientist with us.

BUS ASSIGNMENTS:

RICH BANAS SPORTSTAR PREVOST LINE-UP

Joe Butcher

Tim DeLaughter

Stella DeLaughter

Oscar DeLaughter

Julius DeLaughter

Julie Doyle

Bubba Doyle

Audrey Easley

Toby Halbrooks

Evan Hisey

Jennie Kelley

Seth Loeser

James Reimer

Louis Schwadron

Michael Turner

Jamey Welch

Dave Willingham

ROGER STONE EAGLE LINE-UP

Andy Bracht

Jon Cunningham (Corn Mo)

Ryan Fitzgerald

Daniel Hart

Jessie Hester

Jennifer Jobe

Logan Keese

John LaMonica

Michael Musick

Rick Nelson

Chris Penn

Mark Pirro

Ricky Rasura

Kelly Repka

Jennefa Soldatic

Bryan Wakeland

Curt Wells

RULES OF THE ROAD:

“I saw the show when we were out in LA filming Scrubs and got a feel for the environment surrounding him and his camp. I want EVERYONE to remember it is HIS show. We get soundchecks based upon when he is done. Some days we may not get any. Once we get in the groove we may just do line checks since we only get an hour to an hour and a half tops for the most part. Also remember they have been on the road for 13 or 18 month and they are in the ZONE. We don’t want to come in and disrupt their bubble they have created. Use your common sense. There will be NO watching his show from the side of the stage. We will watch from out in the crowd. There is too many of us. Do not take what is not yours. We get stuff in our dressing room. If it is not there DO NOT think of taking or swiping it. They have aftershow parties that are NOT for us. They are for David Bowie and his guests. On the subject of catering. We only get dinners. NO LUNCH OR BREAKFASTS. Again there is too many of us. Please don’t harass David Bowie if you see him walking in the hall. BE AS NORMAL AS YOU CAN. I will try to set up a meet and greet where he visits with us and gets his picture with us. PLEASE DON’T LURK or be a nuisance. We want to be professional so we can get opportunities like this again. If you think something is wrong or questionable don’t do it. Don’t sneak friends backstage or in the gig. It looks bad upon all of us if you get caught.

This will be a fun and memorable tour. I can hardly believe it if here upon us.

On the subjects of robes, if your robe is left in the dressing room and I have it you can purchase it back from me for $30 in order to do the next show. The robes being left and kept unkempt is getting WAY out of hand.

Also please bring your PASSPORT for Jay Leno and Canadian Immigration. It is the best thing for both.

Don’t mean to be on a soapbox but I need you guys on your BEST BEHAVIOR”

We played at the Angel Orensanz Center in the Lower East Side. That place is beautiful. It looks like an old abandoned church. We ruled that night. Jim came and sang on the encore with us. Lots of fedoras work there.

After we went to Parkside Lounge where I went to hang out with Ty, Magic Brian and Kittenpants. It was my “birthday” again. Pete, the bartender, gave me free shots all night. The Spree showed up later. I gushed all over Tim and Julie with my gratitudes. I toasted to everyone that was in shot distance. It was a beautiful night. I am very fortunate.

We did Fuse the other day. That host is hot. Like a 10 hot. I played accordion with them that day. It was fun. It was pretty quick overall. I saw Dan from Knarrefest (a backyard bbq I played in Teaneck, NJ with Jim Shearer who came to the show later that night). I also saw two friends from the band, Mackin. I hadn’t seen either one of them in a long, long time.

We got 2 buses. More space and an Xbox. Me and Lamonica and Ryan and Mark and Logan play Halo a lot. Logan’s no fun because he’s so good. Me and Ryan fought together today instead of against each other. I’m good at wasting time and I’m trying to be bad at it.