Corn Mo’s Beer Shower

Me and Clarke and Sylvia got into Waltrop about 6. Nobody that worked at the hotel spoke English but it’s our fault for not knowing German. It was a family run business and the Dad was a good ol’ jolly German but the Mom looked at us with some sort of judgement.

We took our stuff to the room and came back down to the hotel’s restaurant because we were too tired to fuckaround with looking for some other place.

I can’t read German good so I got the special hoping it would be so.

It was excellent. Always get the special. It was some sort of pork with potatoes and kraut salad. I don’t mean to toot my horn or jinx myself but sometimes I can pick the right thing off a menu.

Clark and Sylvia didn’t have the foresight I did although Clark is one of the best cooks I’ve ever met. He cooked out of his truck one night and made curried rice and salad and had made his own dressing.

We got beer because we were in Germany and because. The Daughter brought us some tall-glass beers and spilled one of them on me. She backed up in horror like she had really done it this time and said nothing.

I wringed my shirt out into my glass to make her feel better.

“It’s ok. It’s ok. See? I still have some.”

The Dad laughed because my jonny-quick humor transcends language.

The Mom kept looking at us like I did wrong.

The Daughter brought me another beer and I drank it both ways- through my mouth and through my skin. I got no towel. Nothing. Just my extra beer and a look of horror and a couple of laughs. Surely when the laughter goes down someone would say, “Haben eine towel fur yer bier, Herr Mo.”

The end of our stay at this hotel brought a large argument. The festival was supposed to pay for 3 but the hotel said it was for 2. This explains the angry looks from Mom all weekend. They charged us for an extra person’s breakfast and shower for the weekend. Forty Euros for a shower!

They call a shower a douche and Clark argued with them saying, “What about Corn Mo’s Beer Douche?”

They went down on their price but he still got the festival to pay for it.

German food is awesome but a mute girl’s charm goes only so far.